


between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be

by endofdaysforme



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG I'M SORRY, also please don't kill me it is very sad but also very sweet lmao, it's a oneshot yes i'm being serious, please take breaks in between reading holy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 09:12:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endofdaysforme/pseuds/endofdaysforme
Summary: cheryl pauses, seems to be weighing out her options as toni shifts from foot to foot anxiously, praying to every god she knows that cheryl will say yes-“of course i’ll help you, toni. on one condition.” she says sternly, looking up at toni with a certain something shining in her eyes that toni can’t explain.“what? name it!” toni says urgently, tightening her grip on her own bag and watching impatiently as cheryl bites down on her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling before she replies.“you have to promise that you won’t fall in love with me.” cheryl says simply and with a tone of finality.toni’s so dumbfounded by her words, she scoffs in disbelief before she can stop herself, and she chuckles and shakes her head before she looks up at cheryl with a raised eyebrow.“that’s not gonna be a problem.”--aka, toni topaz is a troublemaker with a heart of gold, and of course, no one else can see it. well, no one else except for cheryl blossom, that is.--aka, one of my followers on twitter was watching 'a walk to remember' and we were crying about it and now i wrote this au lol bye.





	between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG AND I DIDN'T INTEND FOR IT TO BE.
> 
> *ahem*
> 
> anyway, this is fucking heartbreaking, but here is a 30,000 oneshot au i wrote in one day because inspiration, ya know?
> 
> y'all can thank @choniblopaz1 aka the author of 'i just want you to know who i am' for inspiring me to write this, she's a gem tbh and i love her <3
> 
> leave comments letting me know what you think and please TAKE BREAKS WHILE READING IT, IT IS VERY LONG OMG I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN
> 
> also, you can follow me at @endofdaysforme on twitter. okay now bye!
> 
> fic title from “Dare You To Move” by Switchfoot

“are you scared, jughead?”

 

toni topaz licks her lips excitedly, the late feburary chill clinging to winter’s weather as she shrugs the leather of her serpent jacket closer to her body for warmth. jughead jones swallows nervously and gazes down at the water that’s waiting for them at the bottom.

 

“it’s what i gotta do, right?” he breathes, eyes blown with adrenaline as he steps closer to the edge of the long cliff they’re standing on the edge of.

 

the rapids from sweetwater river look intimidating from up this high, but toni pulled it off years ago, and she knows jughead will be just fine.

 

she’s not scared.

 

his pale face indicates differently for him.

 

“yeah…if you wanna be a serpent, anyway. the time for melding with the crowd is over, dude, no more moping with that fucking beanie on your head and your earphones blasting that depressing ass music. time to live a little!” toni grips his shoulder, squeezing it before she swipes the beanie on his head off with a grin and a chuckle. jughead’s returning smile is weak, wavering in his fear as he looks down at the crowd of people waiting for him just to the left of the cliffside they’re standing on, twenty five feet below them with their cheers echoing out in the night sky.

 

“don’t be a pussy, jones!” toni hears sweet pea yell, his loud cackling echoing out seconds afterwards before fangs fogarty yells out as well.

 

“jump already, shit! my balls are sagging and my hair is turning gray waiting for you!” fangs growls loudly, and toni represses a laugh and pushes jughead forward _just a little_ , watches as his feet scuffling against the ground causes a few loose rocks to fall over the edge and make that long descent down into the water.

 

he’ll be joining them in a few moments.

 

“you ready?” toni whispers, taking that step forward with him, lulling him into this false sense of security that she’s jumping with him even though she has absolutely no plans to.

 

the first time was terrifying enough, she’s not that stupid to do it again.

 

jughead lets out a small whimper before he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath in and nods.

 

“on the count of three?” he croaks out, voice trembling, and just for a second, toni feels some semblance of guilt, considers calling the whole thing off, but as always, she pushes it aside and gives him a charming smile and a nod.

 

toni topaz isn’t a coward. she doesn’t back out.

 

“on the count of three, dude. let’s do it. one…” 

 

jughead lets out a shaky breath, his whole body trembling violently as toni watches him carefully.

 

“two…” his knees bend, ready to propel him forward-

 

“THREE!” 

 

jughead jumps.

 

toni stays behind.

 

she watches his body fall, his arms flailing wildly as toni bursts into laughter watching him, his scream echoing out in the night sky before he hits the water and it splashes around him from the impact.

 

she claps, cheering loudly as sweet pea and fangs cheer as well, in disbelief that little jughead jones who stuck to himself like a fly on the wall at riverdale high had actually done the jump that brought him into the inner circle of the southside serpents.

 

she grins down at her two best friends, giving them the thumbs up as fangs prepares the jacket they’ll be putting on jughead’s body once he resurfaces.

 

a minute passes by.

 

then two.

 

jughead’s body doesn’t come up from the water, the ripples fading from the impact and becoming still once more as toni’s smile slowly fades and panic quickly takes over.

 

_shit. shit, shit, shit, SHIT-_

 

“yo, where is he?!” sweet pea yells, jumping off the roof of his car and making his way to the edge, closer to where jughead had landed.

 

toni’s fingers close around the beanie in her hand as she stares at the water in shock and fear.

 

she did not just kill that kid, she didn’t-

 

“toni, he’s not coming back up!” fangs yells in complete and utter terror, and toni’s frozen for about another half of a second before she’s tearing down the cliffside, tripping over loose rocks and scraping her knees before she lets out a terrified whine and pushes herself back up, scrambling down the small hill and making her way towards the two boys at the side of the river.

 

“toni, what the fuck did we do-.” sweet pea starts frantically, but toni’s already tearing off her serpent jacket and pulling off her jeans before she’s diving into the water, kicking her legs as hard as she can as the freezing cold water bites at her skin viciously.

 

she stops short a few meters away from where he landed, looking around with wide eyes and sputtering from the water that invades her mouth before she yells out for the raven haired boy loudly.

 

“JUGHEAD!?” she screams, the name escaping her in a whimper of panic as she kicks her legs and uses her arms to keep herself afloat-

 

“TONI! YOUR LEFT!” she hears fangs yell loudly. she turns, eyes scanning the area before they land on a body floating face down-

 

“FUCK!” she swims towards jughead’s prone body, the adrenaline pumping through her veins making the biting cold of sweetwater river irrelevant as she reaches out to grab his arm and uses her free arm to wrap around his chest, pulling his head above the water as she does.

 

he’s bleeding, red mixing with the transparent color of the waves that crash around them, the wound above his eyebrow already swollen and oozing the thick liquid harshly-

 

“HE’S HURT!” toni screams, immediately kicking her way towards the cliffside where her best friends are, jughead’s body dragging through the water weightlessly as sweet pea and fangs rush toward her quickly, legs submerged in the water.

 

“fuck, oh fuck!” fangs whimpers, reaching down and grabbing the boy by his shirt to drag him out of the water as toni splutters and crawls her way to the surface before gripping sweet pea’s extended hand to push herself up to her feet.

 

“he must’ve hit one of the melting icecaps, he didn’t jump far enough!” sweet pea growls, and toni simply throws him a wide eyed glare before she drops to her knees beside jughead’s lifeless body and places her hands over his chest, one on top of the other in the middle, pumping vigorously as water drips from her caramel skin.

 

“come on, jughead, you can’t die on me!” she hisses, her whole body trembling with the cold, but she ignores it, pinching his nose and tilting his head back before gripping his chin and holding it open. she bends down, blowing air into his mouth twice, but jughead jones remains unresponsive. 

 

fuck, his lips are blue-

 

“this is not happening, man, this is not fucking happening, he’s f.p’s fucking son-.” fangs yells frantically, gripping his hair in panic as sweet pea’s eyes dart from toni to his car just a few meters away.

 

“we need to get out of here.” he murmurs. 

 

she hears fangs’s outcry of anger, but toni’s ignoring all of them, focusing on the task at hand as she places her hands back on his chest and begins pushing down once more.

 

“sweet pea, what the fuck-.”

 

“i’m not going back to juvie for killing some dumbass, fangs! tiny, leave him, let’s go!” sweet pea moves to grab her arm, but she shoves him back with a furious growl before she continues, refusing to leave this boy’s side-

 

she’s not a fucking murderer. she’s not gonna leave this boy to fucking die- 

 

“it’s your fucking funeral!” sweet pea hisses, and toni can hear him scrambling towards his car before the loud sound of sirens echoes around them.

 

_shit…shit, no, please-_

 

“oh fuck! toni-.”

 

“GO! GET OUT OF HERE, GO!” toni screams, looking up at fangs with tears streaming down her face, thanking all the gods she knows that the water soaking her skin hides it from view.

 

toni topaz doesn’t cry.

 

fangs stares at her frantically before he’s racing towards his bike, and toni doesn’t move an inch, bends back down to blow air into jughead’s lungs-

 

the boy’s body jerks violently as water spurts from his mouth and hits toni in the face, and toni sobs in relief as the sound of sweet pea’s car starting and the engine of fang’s bike roaring to life echoes out, her heart clenching as she rolls jughead to his side and lets the rest of the water preventing the air from entering his body fall from his mouth.

 

“you’re okay, you’re okay-.”

 

the sirens get louder.

 

“FUCK!” toni hesitates, moves her hands up and down jughead’s body before she’s making a hasty decision and scrambling to her feet, sand and dirt sticking to her wet skin as she reaches out to grab her jeans and her jacket and makes her way towards her bike in a panic. 

 

she’s fucking freezing, but the adrenaline pumping through her body is preventing her from feeling anything as sweet pea and fangs take off quickly. she swings her leg over her bike, not even caring about the fact that she’s in just her underwear as she scrambles for the keys inside the pocket of her jeans-

 

“come on, come on!” she cries, her fingers touching the cold metal as she yanks the keys out and shoves them into the ignition-

 

a police car turns the corner, and before she can even think of starting her bike, sheriff tom keller brings the car to a screeching halt and exits, the car door slamming shut behind him as he pulls his gun out and points it at her.

 

“DON’T MOVE!” he roars, and toni feels nothing but instant fear and despair grip her heart as she holds her hands high and stays perfectly still.

 

_i’m so fucked._

 

\----------------

 

how she manages to escape arrest by the skin of her teeth is something toni still doesn’t understand.

 

she spins some bullshit story about her and jughead just hanging out on the cliffside, tells the sheriff that jughead slipped and fell into the water and she saved him without any mention of her two best friends, and while she’s positive sheriff keller doesn’t believe her for a single second, it’s surprisingly jughead himself that saves her ass.

 

he ends up in the hospital with hypothermia and a severe concussion, but he tells his father, the fucking leader of the southside serpents, that toni is telling the truth, tells sheriff keller just the same, and toni is let off the hook.

 

sure, f.p jones doesn’t believe his son for a second, knows the ‘initiation’ dare that has been with the serpents for years, and she gets a severe talking to from the man, feels nothing but guilt when he thanks her for staying behind and saving his son’s life regardless, and her uncle also yells at her for about an hour before he tells her she’s brave for jumping into the river to save him despite putting him there in the first place.

 

to her surprise, he hugged her afterwards, and toni’s pretty sure the guilt eating at her chest will never fade. she doesn’t want their forgiveness, she doesn’t _deserve_ it.

 

she rolls into the parking lot of riverdale high on her bike, ignoring the stares she gets and the whispers that immediately begin to echo around her as the roar of her bike’s engine fades and cuts off completely at the turn of her key. she rips her helmet off, glaring at anyone who so much as looks her way before she’s jumping off her bike and heading straight for the entrance.

 

“tiny!” she turns at the sound of her nickname, nothing but rage and anger flooding her as fangs and sweet pea make their way towards her, and she scoffs and turns her back on them before walking through the front doors, shrugging her jacket closer around her body to fight the cold as she does.

 

“come on, toni!” sweet pea yells, but again, she ignores him and reaches into her pocket for her phone, pulling it out and swinging her bag around to reach into the front pocket for her headphones.

 

as soon as they’re plugged in, she drowns out the noise of everything around her, heavy metal blasting through the speakers as she reaches her locker and takes a second to rest her head on the cool metal, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in as she does.

 

stupid, the whole fucking thing was stupid, jughead could’ve _died…_ f.p and her uncle may be forgiving enough to realize it was just a mistake and that she saved jughead’s life at the end of it all, but this is toni’s fault…all her fault-

 

“fuck this.” she mutters, opening the locker harshly and shoving her bag into it before she grabs the cigarette she stole from her uncle’s pack this morning from the front pocket as well and slams it shut, making her way back outside to head towards the bleachers where she can get some fucking privacy.

 

hundreds of pairs of eyes follow her, including those of betty cooper, jughead’s girlfriend, and toni tries to ignore the way her eyes are bloodshot red, the glare she throws toni’s way as her best friend, veronica lodge, rubs her back consolingly, and toni has half a mind to yell at her that he isn’t fucking dead, he’s just a little banged up-

 

_a concussion and hypothermia is ‘a little banged up’? you’re a fucking idiot, topaz._

 

she shoves the doors that lead outside open and practically speed walks towards the bleachers, her fingers already digging for the lighter in the front pocket before she’s stepping behind the steel steps and lighting the cigarette surreptitiously. 

 

it’s not something she does often, but sometimes she just needs a hit to clear her mind…to get rid of all the thoughts that run through them so quickly, so violently that she barely has time to pick them apart…

 

the second the tobacco hits her lungs, she sinks back against the brick wall beneath the steps with a loud sigh of relief, closing her eyes and focusing on the sound of the music in her ears before she collapses to the ground and bites down on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying, because toni topaz doesn’t fucking cry.

 

she almost killed someone…all for a stupid dare, all so that boy could earn his place in his father’s gang when the truth is, he didn’t even need to do it. his dad was the fucking leader, there was no way jughead wasn’t going to be a southside serpent, and that fucking dare is ancient, it’s not a requirement anymore, it’s just some dumb thing they do to entertain themselves at this point. it’s all _her_ fault. she’s the one who kept egging him on, instigating him to do it along with sweet pea and fangs, telling him he should _earn_ his place, like any of this fucking meant anything-

 

she feels the weight of someone sitting down beside her, and she slowly blinks her eyes open in surprise before she turns to see none other than red hair and a soft smile.

 

_what the fuck?_

 

cheryl blossom taps her own ears, that smile never fading as she indicates to toni to take her headphones out, and she does slowly, staring at the girl before her in complete and utter shock.

 

what the fuck was cheryl blossom doing talking to her?

 

“has anyone ever told you that smoking is bad for you?” she says softly, eyes falling on the little stick between toni’s fingers, and toni feels a flash of annoyance hit her before she smirks and lifts it to her lips, placing the filter between them and taking a long drag from it as she does.

 

“do i look like i care?” she deadpans, being courteous enough to blow the smoke away from cheryl, and for some stupid ass reason, it only causes the girl to smile wider, a soft chuckle escaping her before she simply shrugs and stares ahead of them with a distant gaze.

 

“cancer’s no easy thing.” she says simply, a look in her eyes that toni can’t explain, and toni simply rolls her eyes and takes another drag before cheryl lets out a long and loud sigh.

 

“principal weatherbee is looking for you. he asked me to find you and tell you to meet him in his office.” she says, her voice still as soft as it’s always been, toni holding back laughter at the many memories she has of this red haired girl quietly calling out her answers to questions that the teachers have asked her, the memories of sweet pea mimicking her as toni laughed along with him every time she walked past with her head down and her gaze on her feet.

 

cheryl blossom was a quiet girl, shy and reserved, as much a fly on the wall as jughead jones was, and toni knows absolutely nothing about her, only knows that her parents and her twin brother died in a horrific car accident when she was young, that she sometimes has a habit of disappearing for a few days from school, and that she was adopted by alice cooper, her aunt, which made her betty cooper’s cousin.

 

the memory of the ice cold glare betty had thrown at her just minutes ago enters her mind once more, and toni sucks in a shaky breath and purses her lips before she nods once, avoiding cheryl’s gaze as she does.

 

cheryl probably hates her for what she did to her cousin’s boyfriend…not that she cares what cheryl blossom fucking thinks.

 

“noted. thanks.” she mumbles, finishing off the cigarette and stubbing it into the grass before she blows every ounce of it out of her lungs.

 

cheryl doesn’t move.

 

toni lets out a little huff of annoyance.

 

“is there something else i can help you with?” she says sarcastically, lifting an eyebrow and looking to cheryl with a smirk, and to her surprise, cheryl smiles once again, pursing her bare lips and shaking her head slowly.

 

“no, not really. but everyone’s saying you’re nothing but a troublemaker around the school, that you and the other serpents only know how to cause chaos and hurt people.” she says, a slight frown marring her brows as she looks at toni with something akin to wonder shining in her eyes. 

 

toni bares her teeth, but refuses to get angry at the girl because it’s not her fucking fault people are saying these things, so she scoffs instead and rests her hands on her knees as she simply shrugs.

 

“they’re probably right, blossom. you should steer clear of me.” she mumbles, moving to get up off her spot, unable to take much more of this before suddenly-

 

cheryl reaches out, fingers gripping the elbow of her serpent jacket tightly, and toni looks at her with wide eyes in shock, falling back down onto her backside beside the red haired girl…

 

who smiles and shakes her head.

 

“i don’t think that. not at all. even if i’ve watched you laugh at sweet pea teasing me…i think there’s something good inside you, toni. i can see it…even if you can’t.” 

 

toni is speechless.

 

she stares at cheryl, mouth agape in confusion, and cheryl simply giggles and lets her go before she pushes herself up slowly. she begins walking away before she stops short and turns around to look at toni with a raised eyebrow.

 

“school starts in fifteen minutes. better get to the principal’s office, toni.” she says simply, and before toni can think of a reply, she takes off, leaving toni watching her go in complete and utter surprise and disbelief.

 

_where the hell did **that** come from?_

 

\---------------

 

“your behavior on that cliffside is unacceptable, miss topaz!”

 

toni taps her foot against the ground anxiously, clenching her jaw and refusing to look principal weatherbee in the eyes as the man stares at her with nothing but anger and authority.

 

the two a’s toni hates more than anything.

 

“he tripped and fell, i saved his life-.”

 

“don’t give me that hogwash! you think i haven’t heard rumors about how you and those other serpents initiate the younger members? jumping off the cliffside into the water? you may have the sheriff fooled, but you don’t have me fooled! you’re not escaping your actions without punishment, miss topaz! you’re to join the tutoring group on saturdays to help the younger kids and set an example of yourself!” he barks.

 

toni stares at him in shock, processing his words before she jumps out of her chair so violently, it topples over and slams to the ground in her haste.

 

“that’s bullshit! it wasn’t even during school hours-.”

 

“it was with another student at this school, who is now in the hospital and is more than likely going to miss the next few critical weeks of his last year in high school! you have no one to blame for this predicament but yourself, miss topaz! you’ll also be participating in the spring musical!” principal weatherbee huffs, smirking at her widely as she clenches her jaw and grits her teeth, her nails digging into the palm of her hands to stop herself from attacking the son of a bitch-

 

“no. no fucking way, i don’t sing and prance around a stage like a dumbass!” she growls, shaking her head furiously, and principal weatherbee raises an eyebrow and sinks into his chair with a shrug.

 

“those are my terms, toni. either you accept them, or you don’t graduate. i’ve put up with a lot, accepting you and those other _serpents_ into this school, allowing you to wear those jackets proudly, but when you put another student’s life in danger, i draw the line.” he says with a tone of finality. 

 

toni stares at him for a long time, weighing the options in her hands.

 

if she doesn’t graduate, she’ll never hear the end of it from her uncle, and she’ll be forced to continue living in this fucking hellhole of a town for another year, which she absolutely fucking refuses to do.

 

she’s leaving riverdale the second she gets the paper saying she’s a high school graduate.

 

but tutoring a bunch of snotty nosed junior high kids? fucking _singing_ in front of a crowd of people, dancing around a stage like a dickhead for someone else’s entertainment?

 

_swallow your pride, kid. you need to graduate and get out of this fucking place._

 

toni does exactly that.

 

she swallows the lump in her throat, purses her lips and gives the principal a firm nod, and he smiles approvingly before he nods towards the entrance of his office.

 

“good. now get to class. you’ll be tutoring the junior high kids on saturday morning. and tell those two other friends of yours to count their lucky stars that they weren’t involved with this.” he grumbles.

 

toni shoots him the filthiest glare she can muster before she grips her bag off the floor and exits his office, and low and fucking behold, cheryl blossom is at the front desk, talking with the receptionist before she looks up at toni in surprise from her sudden entrance.

 

surprise that quickly turns into a friendly smile that has toni baring her teeth and barging past her without a backward glance.

 

\--------------------

 

“toni…toni, wake up.” 

 

toni groans loudly and shoves her face into her pillow further, hugging it to her head and mumbling into it grumpily.

 

“saturday, no school.” she grumbles, and she hears her uncle chuckle before he’s gripping her shoulder and giving it a gentle shake.

 

“tutoring.” he sing songs. toni’s eyes snap open, and she glares up at him, watches as he smirks down at her before she groans and rolls over in anguish.

 

great, now she can’t even sleep in on fucking saturdays anymore, this is such bullshit…

 

she drags herself to the shower, quickly taking one before she shoves on clothes and does her makeup hurriedly. she grabs a piece of toast and munches on it as her uncle sits at the dinner table reading the paper, and before he can say anything, she grabs her bag and her keys off the hook on the wall and leaves without saying goodbye.

 

she shouldn’t be taking her anger out on him, she knows, but sue her, she’s fucking _pissed._

 

she can’t believe her saturday mornings are going to consist of _this_ until the end of the school year. she didn’t even do anything wrong-

 

_yes, yes you did, you deserve this._

 

god, how she wishes her brain would shut the fuck up for two seconds…

 

still, she’s lucky that prom isn’t being taken from her, even though she has no real care for the stupid affair and she and sweet pea and fangs will more than likely leave halfway through to go to the lakeside for a real party, but still…she wants a night of just dancing and celebrating the end of their high school lives with her best friends…

 

_it’ll be worth it, toni. for a night like that, it’ll be worth it._

 

she gets to the school in record time, parking in her usual spot and grumbling as she rips her helmet off and walks up the stairs slowly, the cold air making her shiver as she throws the doors open and makes her way toward the gym where the usual tutoring sessions take place.

 

as soon as she walks through the doors, she sees an abundance of young riverdale high students all seated at desks with either teachers, or older students from toni’s grade. she sees betty cooper, immediately averts her gaze to avoid seeing the usual look of anger in betty’s eyes whenever she sees toni, and she also sees archie andrews and reggie mantle, two members of the high school football team who toni’s honestly surprised to see here-

 

and of course.

 

of course she’d be here, too.

 

cheryl blossom is seated by a young girl who looks honestly done with the whole thing, a frustrated look in her eyes as she grips her hair and looks down at the paper in anguish, but cheryl rubs her back consolingly and leans in closer to continue explaining the problem, that ever present smile etched on her face.

 

the gym door slams shut behind toni loudly, and everyone looks up at her entrance, including cheryl, her eyes narrowing before that smile returns in full force.

 

toni sucks in a deep breath, tries not to think about how truly beautiful cheryl’s smile is as she walks past her toward mr. clemmons. he looks up at her with a raised eyebrow before he sighs and nods towards one of the students sitting alone at the back of the gym, staring down at the paper in front of him with nothing but confusion.

 

“he’s one of our more difficult kids. play nice.” is all mr. clemmons says, and toni gives him a tight smile before she makes her way over to the kid, dropping her bag down beside the seat in front of her and collapsing into it with a tired sigh.

 

the kid looks at her with a roll of his eyes, and toni bites back a groan.

 

great, he’s one of _those_ kids…

 

_one of you, you mean…_

 

she hates her fucking brain sometimes-

 

“so…what’s your name?” she says simply, leaning closer to the kid and deciding she might as well make an effort. the kid shrugs and leans back into his chair.

 

“raphael.” he grumbles. toni nods once, doesn’t give him her name and grabs the pen on top of her desk before scooting closer and looking down at the questions.

 

_fuck, these are easy, how dumb are these kids?_

 

toni bites back a laugh and looks at the first question before looking at the boy.

 

“alright, so, the way this one works…” 

 

toni does her best to explain the maths question to him, unbeknownst to the fact that cheryl blossom is watching her with the most stunning and awe-inspiring smile yet stretching across her face tenderly at the sight before her.

 

\------------------

 

“ah, toni! nice of you to join us!”

 

kevin keller gives her this smile that toni thinks is supposed to be friendly, but all she can think about is the fact that his boy’s father is the sheriff, is the man who has arrested her at least twice now for stupid things such as tagging the walls on the southside and stealing a simple pack of gum from a convenience store, is the man who held a gun to her face just two weeks ago, and instead of returning his smile, she clenches her jaw and collapses into the only open seat in the circle, looking around it with a frown on her face at the people she’ll be spending the next few weeks rehearsing this stupid musical with.

 

archie andrews, betty cooper, josie mccoy, valerie brown, melody valentine, veronica lodge, chuck clayton, ethel muggs, midge klump, moose mason, reggie mantle, darla smith, and-

 

cheryl blossom.

 

why the fuck was this girl just popping up everywhere in toni’s life all of a sudden? she’s never spoken a single word to this girl the entire five years she’s known her, but now she was just this ever present being in her life, toni noticing the way she suddenly seems to always be in the hallways every time she walks past now…

 

_or maybe you’re just finally noticing her…_

 

“alright, so! now that everyone is here, the musical we will be doing is none other than _‘carrie: the musical!’_ if you’re unfamiliar with the story, it’s about a girl who lives with an insanely hideous and religious mother who develops telekinetic powers and has to go through life in high school with these powers growing inside of her until, on the night of prom, a bucket of blood is dropped on top of her head by a group of mean girls and she snaps, killing everyone in the school before heading home to kill her mother as well.” kevin says all this in an excited rush that toni honestly finds disturbing, but cheryl giggles, and toni’s so drawn to the sound that she finds herself staring at the girl, the way her cheeks flush and the way her eyes light up with similar excitement making her stupid heart flutter before kevin suddenly nudges toni lightly.

 

she glares at him, sees him holding out a stack of papers to her, and she clears her throat and takes one before handing it to the next person sheepishly. 

 

“right, now, what i’d like to do is go around to each person, have them state their role before we move on to reading through the script. cheryl, you’re our main girl, so please…” kevin raises his hand to her with a broad smile, and cheryl takes the stack of papers that veronica hands her, taking one and passing it to josie before she stands with a warm smile.

 

“my name is cheryl blossom, and i will be playing the iconic role of carrie white.” 

 

toni finds herself smiling despite herself, and cheryl meets her gaze, the smile on her face somehow growing wider as she falls back into her seat, and toni barely hears kevin as he looks to the next person, who stands and states who they’re playing, to the next, to the next…

 

toni’s so enraptured by the way cheryl is flicking through the script, her brow furrowed and her tongue slightly poking out between pink lips, that she doesn’t even hear kevin calling her name until he nudges her once again.

 

“earth to toni topaz?!” she jumps, turning to glare at him for interrupting her before she looks around at everyone staring at her in surprise. she clears her throat and jumps up, avoiding cheryl’s gaze as she mumbles out her reply.

 

“my name is toni topaz, and i’ll be playing norma.” 

 

\----------------

 

“cheryl! hey, wait, cheryl!” 

 

toni frantically makes her way through the crowd of students towards the red hair poking out above the throng of heads, and toni finds herself marveling at cheryl’s height as the girl comes to a stop and slowly turns at the sound of her name.

 

the second she sees toni, a smile lights up her face, that same goddamn smile she always has when she sees toni, and toni comes screeching to a stop in front of her with a breathless pant, her heart racing for different reasons than being out of breath…

 

“toni…how can i help you?” cheryl asks softly, gripping the straps of her bag as she watches toni happily. toni swallows thickly before she holds up the script in her hands in desperation.

 

“i…suck at remembering lines, and i suck even more at singing. the show’s a week away, and i know you haven’t missed kevin’s look of disappointment every time i get up on that stage. you gotta help me, red.” toni begs, looking into the girl’s eyes with a slight pout and pleading eyes.

 

she’s actually been trying so fucking hard to get through this whole rehearsal thing, has even endured sweet pea and fangs’s endless teasing of her over it, and their nagging that she doesn’t spend time with them anymore, but toni knows she needs to do this properly and do it well.

 

principal weatherbee has been watching her like a hawk, and if he sees she’s not putting any effort into her performance on show night, she can kiss prom and graduation goodbye. as much as she hates this, she _has to do it._

 

“i disagree, toni. i think your voice is wonderful.” cheryl says with a warm smile. toni’s so caught off guard by that statement, she simply blinks in surprise before cheryl takes the script from her hands and flicks through it with a frown.

 

“you’re right though, you do have a tendency to mess up your lines during rehearsal…” cheryl pauses, seems to be weighing out her options as toni shifts from foot to foot anxiously, praying to every god she knows that cheryl will say yes-

 

“of course i’ll help you, toni. on one condition.” she says sternly, looking up at toni with a certain _something_ shining in her eyes that toni can’t explain.

 

“what? name it!” toni says urgently, tightening her grip on her own bag and watching impatiently as cheryl bites down on her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling before she replies.

 

“you have to promise that you won’t fall in love with me.” cheryl says simply and with a tone of finality.

 

toni’s so dumbfounded by her words, she scoffs in disbelief before she can stop herself, and she chuckles and shakes her head before she looks up at cheryl with a raised eyebrow.

 

“that’s not gonna be a problem.” she says with a grin, and cheryl simply purses her lips and nods once before she hands toni her script back with a smile.

 

“good. then i’ll see you this afternoon after school in the theatre room. don’t be late.” 

 

and with that, she turns back around and makes her way to her next class, leaving toni watching her go with a grin and a disbelieving shake of her head.

 

“fall in love with her…what fucking planet is that girl from? unbelievable…”

 

\-------------

 

cheryl works tirelessly with her for the next week, and toni tries her goddamn hardest to remember each of her lines perfectly and with the right emotional deliverance, even taking it as far as practicing during every second of spare time that she gets, too.

 

she refuses to lose out on prom, and refuses even more to end up watching her friends graduate while she’s forced to stay in the crowd and watch them do so in grief. toni’s pretty sure this is the most effort she’s ever put into a school related event before. not even actually assessments have gotten this much work thrown into them.

 

cheryl is so fucking patient with her, toni doesn’t understand how she’s able to watch toni flub her lines over and over again without wanting to kill her, how she doesn’t just grab a rock and smash toni over the head with it to put an end to her suffering as she tries to nail the dance numbers with absolutely no co-ordination whatsoever. but cheryl always somehow manages to chuckle and grip her hand before walking her through the lines and the dance routines slowly, and toni is fucking astounded by all of it.

 

cheryl blossom is a goddamn angel, and toni feels kind of horrible for ever laughing at sweet pea’s constant teasing of her over the years she’s known her, feels stupid for never taking the time to get to know this girl…

 

“cheryl, seriously…you’re a godsend.” toni breathes, collapsing down into her chair with a tired sigh and rubbing her eyes in exhaustion as she bites back a yawn. she’s pretty sure she’s got everything down now, the performance is two nights away and she’s more focused than ever to make it a good one.

 

she’s nervous because of course she is, and sweet pea and fangs had promised her that they’d be in the crowd supporting her, but honestly, toni’s dreading them being there. she knows they’re just going to hound her and tease her even more than they already have been, and she’s scared that sweet pea’s gonna find something new to attack cheryl with as well. he may not tease her to her face, but toni knows cheryl is aware of it…she doesn’t deserve the shit sweet pea puts her through, she needs to talk to him about it-

 

“oh hush, t.t. i’m just helping a friend not make a fool of herself on stage.” cheryl says, collapsing into the seat beside her with a light chuckle. toni raises an eyebrow at her and gives her a sheepish grin.

 

“‘t.t?’” she asks with a smirk. she watches as cheryl’s cheeks flush in surprise before the girl licks her lips and shakes her head.

 

“uh…just a nickname…‘toni topaz’…” she mumbles, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, and toni finds the sight so adorable, she can’t stop herself from reaching out and placing her hand on cheryl’s thigh with a smile.

 

“it’s okay, cher. it’s cute.” she teases, giving the girl a nickname of her own, and cheryl’s face is almost as red as the hair on her head as she chuckles and looks down at the hand on her thigh, swallowing thickly before she looks up at toni and bites down on her bottom lip.

 

“you’re gonna be amazing, toni. don’t doubt yourself so much.” she whispers, her eyes so soft and so gentle that toni can’t help the way her heart starts racing at the sight of it. toni sinks back into her chair, her hand still resting on cheryl’s thigh as she sighs and tries to swallow the bile that rises in the back of her throat down. 

 

she knows cheryl’s right, but still…

 

“eh, no one’s gonna be paying attention to me anyway, not when you’re on the stage killing it like that. _you’re_ amazing, cheryl. i didn’t even know you could sing like that.” toni says in slight awe, thinking back to the previous weeks she’s spent watching cheryl perfect every song that carrie sings with a voice strong enough to sound across the entire town of riverdale. 

 

“there’s a lot you don’t know about me, toni.” cheryl murmurs quietly, her hand suddenly resting on top of the one toni has on her thigh, and toni shivers slightly at the cold temperature of her fingers, the way they slide across the top of toni’s hand before she grips it tightly in her own…

 

she bites back a smile, licking her lips and looking at the girl with wonder.

 

she wants to know more about cheryl. the girl is intriguing, toni won’t deny it, and the last week she’s done nothing but help toni tirelessly. the least toni can do is be her friend…

 

“i’d…i’d like to know more about you…if you’ll let me.” she says softly, surprised by her own words and how they sound as they escape her mouth, so soft, so gentle, so _wanting_ …

 

cheryl gives her a lopsided smile before she cocks an eyebrow at her.

 

“are you asking to be my friend, toni topaz?” she says with a slight teasing tone in her voice, and toni snaps out of the moment of awe that she’s currently centered in with a roll of her eyes and a shrug.

 

“what’s wrong with being friends?” she grumbles. cheryl laughs loudly, the sound like fucking _music_ to toni’s ears before she nods slowly and squeezes toni’s hand once more.

 

“nothing…i’d love to be your friend, t.t.” she says in a soft whisper that has toni’s heart pounding against her chest erratically for reasons she can’t even begin to fucking explain, and she actually glances down at her chest and mentally chastises it for its behavior.

 

_what are you doing? stop it!_

 

she licks her lips again before she nods slowly, and she stands up from her seat and twists cheryl’s hand in her own until they’re shaking hands lightly.

 

“good. then i guess we’re friends.” 

 

\-------------

 

the musical goes off without a hitch.

 

toni manages to bite back the panic over her friends watching in the crowd and delivers every line to perfection, singing along with the group and dancing around the stage like an idiot, but it’s oddly _freeing_ , not giving a damn what other people think and just allowing herself to be stupid for once in her life, to the point where even sweet pea and fangs howling with laughter at her dance number with veronica and betty doesn’t get her down. 

 

she’s actually having fun, surprisingly.

 

but of course, as she predicted, the highlight of the entire night is cheryl blossom.

 

the girl delivers an oscar worthy fucking performance, singing her heart out as the crowd watches her in awe, toni included from behind the curtain to the side of the stage, her red hair flowing and her lips covered in crimson red that has toni staring at them for far too long on multiple occasions throughout the night. her fellow students are just as surprised as she is, that this mousey girl who kept to herself and barely spoke to anyone somehow had this magical voice resting within her, this presence on stage that has even sweet pea and fangs leaning forward in shock and admiration as cheryl simply…lets go. lets herself be _free._

 

alice cooper, betty’s mother and cheryl’s aunt, plays the role of carrie’s mother, and of course, the chemistry between cheryl and alice is amazing, moving from sweet and loving to hostile and terrifying at the drop of a hat. but when all is said and done and cheryl takes her final bow in front of a standing ovation, alice cooper hugs the girl close to her body with tears falling down her cheeks, clearly overwhelmed with the performance the girl she pretty much adopted has just given.

 

toni tries to find a moment to pull cheryl aside afterwards as they all gather into the crowd with their family members to tell her that her performance was astounding, but betty and alice are hovering around her like protective birds constantly, and toni drowns out the sound of sweet pea and fangs teasing her, tries to look through the crowd for a hint of that red hair-

 

_there._

 

she’s finally on her own, talking with josie mccoy-

 

“yeah, yeah, i get it, i was dancing around like an idiot, look…i gotta go. i’ll see you guys later.” toni starts to make her way through the crowd when sweet pea grips her arm and tugs her back with a frown.

 

“tiny, come on! we’re just kidding around! let’s go to the lakeside, have some beers and celebrate-.”

 

“i’m…i’m not in the mood, okay? i gotta go, thanks for coming…” she mumbles, and before sweet pea can say anything else, she tugs her arm out of his grip and makes her way through the crowd towards cheryl.

 

things have been hostile between her, sweet pea and fangs ever since the incident with jughead, and honestly, she’s dreading when the boy comes back to school on monday…it’s been almost a month since the incident now, but toni still can’t find it in her heart to forgive them for abandoning her so quickly, even if she told fangs to bolt.

 

they basically left her to rot, she’s allowed to be mad…

 

she finally manages to reach out and grip cheryl’s shoulder with a breathless pant. the girl spins around in surprise before she’s smiling warmly, and before toni can even think, she wraps her arms around toni’s neck and pulls her into a tight hug.

 

“toni! you were so amazing, you didn’t mess up a single time! i’m so proud of you!” she says cheerily, and toni, frozen in shock against her, lamely grips her waist before wrapping her arms around it awkwardly.

 

she’s…never really enjoyed hugs. 

 

but this hug…this hug she _definitely_ can’t deny-

 

“the whole cast is going to pop’s to celebrate, did you want to come?” cheryl breathes into her ear, pulling back and looking at her with such excitement shining in her eyes, toni can’t find it in herself to say no, even if betty cooper is watching them a few feet away with a frown of concern on her face.

 

“i…yeah! yeah, of course, i’ll come with. and cheryl, by the way…you were fucking _perfect._ ” toni says softly, looking at her with as much sincerity as she can muster. cheryl’s responding smile is so goddamn breathtaking, toni finds herself inhaling sharply, and then-

 

cheryl reaches up and cradles her cheek, her thumb brushing over toni’s cheekbone tenderly before she lets out a shaky sigh.

 

“you’re too kind, t.t. thank you…now come on, let’s go!” her hand moves down toni’s shoulder and arm to interlace with her fingers, and before toni can even think, cheryl’s dragging her toward the others crowded around with family members, toni’s mind solely on the warmth of cheryl’s hand in her own.

 

\--------------

 

toni can feel alice and betty cooper watching her, and it’s honestly starting to get irritating.

 

but she tries, instead, to focus on the warmth of cheryl’s body beside her own, smiles at the sound of the girl’s laughter as archie andrews tells a joke, watches her sip her strawberry milkshake as valerie brown sounds off in toni’s ear about something she doesn’t really pay attention to-

 

“and you were amazing, cheryl. honestly, i can’t believe you’ve been hiding that voice from us, girl!” josie mccoy says, the grin on her face evident from a million miles away as cheryl giggles, cheeks flushed as alice laughs lightly and raises an eyebrow at her niece.

 

“cheryl’s always singing at home under her breath, i’ve told her she should do the spring musical for years…this is the one time she actually listened.” alice says, her smile faltering suddenly as cheryl chuckles and shrugs beside toni.

 

“well, last year of high school…i figured it was time i broke out of my shell.” cheryl says softly, exchanging this look with alice that toni doesn’t understand, but thinks it might just be gratitude for everything alice has done for her, because the woman blinks back tears and reaches across the booth to grip cheryl’s hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

“don’t cry, aunt alice.” cheryl whispers, and alice cooper nods and simply brushes the tears away before they fall, toni watching in slight confusion before cheryl turns to toni with a smile.

 

“now, toni, we need to discuss _your_ performance. who knew under all that leather there was a girl who could sing?” cheryl teases, pulling her hand away from alice’s slowly and looking to the girl beside her with amusement. toni rolls her eyes and sinks back into her seat as josie nods in agreement.

 

“seriously, you girls are gonna put the pussycats to shame!” she says, nodding at valerie brown and melody valentine, the two girls she’s in a band with, and toni scoffs and shakes her head furiously.

 

“no way, you guys are like, top tier singers. it’s something you’re passionate about, something you want more than anything, singing for me is just…something i’m good at, i guess.” toni murmurs, a little uncomfortable with the amount of attention she’s getting as silence quickly takes over before cheryl clears her throat and nudges toni’s shoulder playfully.

 

“and what are you passionate about, t.t.?” she asks in a low voice as the others simply pick up new conversations, but toni can only focus on the way cheryl is looking at her with those chocolate brown eyes gazing into her own, like she can see beyond the brown depths into her soul…

 

“i…i d-don’t know yet. but i’ve got my whole life to figure it out, right?” toni manages to get out, lost in the look in cheryl’s eyes as the girl suddenly closes them and lets out a shaky breath, her hand reaching out to grip toni’s underneath the table tightly.

 

“right…you do, toni. you do.” 

 

\---------------

 

toni feels stupid.

 

she really feels completely and utterly stupid.

 

because she made a promise. she made a promise and she’s breaking it with every single second that she spends thinking about cheryl fucking blossom.

 

she can’t get the girl out of her mind, the week spent with her rehearsing for carrie alone in the theatre, just the two of them…the way she seemed to believe in toni in a way that nobody else ever has, her life made up of disappointed looks from her uncle and anybody else she’s ever held close to her heart. toni’s spent years making bad decisions and doing the wrong things, but in cheryl’s eyes, it’s like none of that matters, and god, when she remembers the smile on cheryl’s face every time she encouraged toni to try again…

 

that girl believed in her. and all the disappointments, all the bad decisions, none of it seems to matter when she thinks about the way cheryl danced around that stage like she fucking owned it, looking like nothing short of an ethereal being with the voice of a goddamn _angel_ sent from heaven above…

 

she hates it.

 

because she’s breaking her promise and toni doesn’t break her promises.

 

she heads to the parking lot with a sigh of frustration, making her way straight to her bike to head home so she can sleep off the fatigue she’s felt from the second she woke up this morning on a goddamn saturday for fucking tutoring.

 

raphael is seriously getting on her nerves, the boy refuses to listen to her at all, always giving her attitude like a little punk-

 

she turns the key.

 

the engine whirrs, then dies.

 

toni frowns, looking down at her bike with wide eyes before she turns the key again, and just like before, it stutters and dies once more.

 

“fuck!” toni slams a hand down onto the bike angrily, her hand immediately throbbing painfully before she hears the sound of someone chuckling beside her.

 

“bike troubles?” she turns her head to see cheryl staring at her with a smirk, and she ignores the way her heart pounds as she licks her lips and sighs, swinging her leg off the bike and reaching into her pocket for her phone.

 

“yeah…i’ll just call my uncle and tell him to come pick me up.” toni mumbles, scrolling through her contacts for her uncle’s number. she hears cheryl hum softly in agreement, and when she looks up, cheryl’s looking at her with this smirk on her face that toni can’t quite read.

 

“okay. then i guess i’ll see you on monday?” she says, all smiles and that smirk, and toni nods dumbfoundedly, watches as cheryl begins making her way towards her car-

 

_monday…but monday’s so far away-_

 

“unless you wanted to go to pop’s and get some lunch!?” toni shouts, jumping off her bike haphazardly and rushing toward cheryl as quickly as she can before she can even think about what she’s just said.

 

_dude, what the fuck?_

 

she ignores her mind’s chastisement, watches as cheryl stops short, turning slowly on the spot, and toni can see the complete and utter surprise on her face before that smirk returns once more, slowly lifting her lips up into a lopsided smile.

 

“are you asking me out on a date, toni topaz?” she teases, tongue darting out to wet pink lips as toni stares at her, frozen in shock.

 

oh shit.

 

_dude, say something! say something!_

 

“uh, i…n-no, i just…it’s n-not a date, i-.” cheryl starts laughing, the sound echoing in the afternoon sky and sending a shiver up toni’s spine as cheryl watches her in amusement and shakes her head.

 

“i’m kidding, toni. i know it’s not a date…but regardless, i’d love to get lunch with you. shall we go?” cheryl asks simply, like nothing just happened as she motions toward her car welcomingly. 

 

toni’s still staring at her like an idiot before her mind finally catches up, and she clears her throat and lets out a shaky breath before she nods and makes her way toward cheryl’s car, slinging her bag over her shoulder tightly as she does. 

 

‘but regardless’? what the hell did she mean by ‘but regardless’?

 

_this girl is gonna be the fucking death of me, i swear to god…_

 

\-------------

 

“so…how’s raphael doing?” cheryl asks, slurping on her strawberry milkshake noisily and regarding toni over the top of it carefully as the pink haired girl sighs and takes an onion ring off the platter in front of them, munching on it for a few moments before she replies.

 

“kid has a total attitude problem. i feel like i’m talking to a fucking brick wall, and i’m trying so damn hard to get through to him, but…nothing. it’s like he just doesn’t care about his grades, or about…anything.” toni murmurs, taking a sip of her chocolate milkshake with a frown. cheryl’s smirking again, lips curled around the straw as she takes another sip before she sets her milkshake down with a shrug.

 

“sounds like someone i know.” she says pointedly, staring at toni with this look in her eyes that has the serpent girl blinking rapidly before she scoffs in disbelief.

 

“hey, i care about…stuff!” toni huffs, grabbing another onion ring and shoving it into her mouth with annoyance as cheryl cocks an eyebrow in amusement.

 

“i’m sure you do, t.t. but may i ask something?” cheryl asks cautiously. toni waves her hand nonchalantly to plead her on, and cheryl lets out a shaky sigh before she chooses her next words carefully.

 

“have you…checked up on jughead at all this week since he came back to school?” she asks softly.

 

toni’s heart stops. 

 

the truth is…she’s _wanted_ to. all week she’s been wanting a moment alone with the boy, but from the second he stepped foot back into riverdale high, betty’s been by his side, treating him with the utmost care and throwing the most vicious glares at toni whenever she so much as looked at the boy guiltily.

 

toni wants to apologize. to grovel and tell him she’s sorry, because fuck, she still feels _horrible_ for what happened. as much as she tries to convince herself that this was just as much sweet pea and fangs’s fault as it was hers, _she’s_ the one who went up the cliffside with him, _she’s_ the one who lulled him into a false sense of security by telling him she’d jump with him when she had no intention of doing so.

 

this is _her_ fault.

 

“i’ve…i’ve tried to. but your cousin is by his side twenty four seven, and i’m pretty sure she’d snap my neck if i even came _close_ to him ever again.” toni sighs, running her fingers through her pink hair and catching strands of it between her fingers as cheryl watches her with a light frown that turns into a chuckle.

 

“betty’s a saint, she wouldn’t harm a fly. she packs a mean stare, but she’s all sunshine and rainbows.” cheryl tells her reassuringly. toni scoffs and cocks an eyebrow at her.

 

“must run in the family.” she teases, but to her surprise, cheryl’s smile falters slightly, a frown quickly replacing the look of happiness on her face as she sinks back into the booth they’re sitting in with a sigh.

 

“it doesn’t…i just…choose not to acknowledge my sadness. i have a good life, toni. despite losing my parents and my twin brother in that accident…i was taken in by the most loving aunt i could’ve ever asked for. alice has treated me like her own from day one, and she’s given me so much…there may be sadness in my heart over losing my whole family, but there’s also an understanding that life is short…so why spend it mad or angry or upset or sad at the world?” cheryl says slowly and softly, each word carrying a purpose that has toni clinging to them in awe and wonder. 

 

cheryl’s eyes are filled with something toni feels like she’ll never be able to understand, but if there’s one thing she can sympathize with…

 

“i lost my parents when i was young, too. they didn’t _die_ , exactly, but…my mom skipped out on my dad when i was four and he just kind of…lost it. got arrested and thrown into jail two years later for…for attempted murder of a police officer. he’s been there ever since, and i think he’s probably gonna spend the rest of his life there.” toni finds herself saying, the words escaping her easily as if she’s talking to her uncle instead of a girl she barely knows, but she doesn’t meet cheryl’s eyes, finds she doesn’t want to stare at the pity that must be shining in them as she focuses her gaze on the onion rings before plucking one and shoving it into her mouth hastily. 

 

she doesn’t talk about her parents, doesn’t like acknowledging her fucked up childhood thanks to her father’s drinking and his long rants about her mother was nothing but trash…the memories distant and hazy, but still etched into the back of her mind no matter how hard she tries to forget them.

 

cheryl doesn’t say anything, but toni hears her inhale sharply before she’s suddenly reaching over the table and gripping the hand about to reach for another onion ring in her own, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze that has toni looking up at her in surprise. 

 

“looks like we both know what it’s like, to be raised without our parents by our side, helping us understand how the world works.” she murmurs gently, a lopsided smile taking over her face. toni licks her lips before she scoffs, scratching at the back of her neck with her spare hand before she swallows thickly and nods once.

 

“looks like it.” she grumbles. cheryl lets her go, and toni finds herself immediately missing the feeling of cheryl’s hand in her own, her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip as cheryl hums softly and suddenly digs into her bag for something.

 

toni watches her with a raised eyebrow, and to her surprise, cheryl pulls out a notepad and a pen and writes something down in it, keeping it hidden from toni as she hastily scratches something off before flipping the notepad shut and shoving it into her bag once more. 

 

she looks up at toni once more as if nothing happened, but toni is nosy and she wants to know, sue her.

 

“what was that?” she asks innocently, clearing her throat and taking another sip of her milkshake, thankful for the change in topic as cheryl smiles and simply shakes her head.

 

“you wouldn’t understand.” she says simply. toni cocks an eyebrow and shrugs.

 

“oh yeah? try me.” she teases, crossing her arms over her chest and waiting patiently as cheryl hesitates before she licks her lips and reaches back into the her bag to grab the notepad once more.

 

she hands it to toni wordlessly, the blush on her cheeks getting stronger with each passing second, and toni takes it from her before she opens it up and stares down at it with a frown.

 

cheryl’s handwriting is neat, cursive and the kind of handwriting toni expected the prim and perfect girl to have, and she reads the words written on the paper with nothing but confusion as to what they mean.

 

~~_11\. befriend somebody i don’t know._ ~~  
_12\. be in two places at once._  
_13\. get a tattoo._  
_14\. graduate high school._  
_15\. get a star named after jason._  
_16\. learn how to slow dance._  
_17\. see a comet._  
_18\. go to california._  
~~_19\. learn another language._ ~~  
_20\. make someone’s dream come true._

 

toni frowns, taking in the list before her with confusion before she looks up at cheryl with a raised eyebrow.

 

“what is this?” she asks, chuckling despite herself, and cheryl lets out a breathless laugh as she bites down on her bottom lip and shrugs.

 

“it’s a list of things i want to do before i die.” she whispers. toni nods, impressed at the list in front of her before she frowns and points at number fourteen.

 

“that’s easy to accomplish, it’s literally happening in like two months. i’m surprised it’s on here.” she says with a smile. cheryl lets out a shaky breath and simply shrugs again, sipping on her milkshake as toni scans the list once more.

 

“there’s a page missing.” she murmurs, noticing that the list goes from eleven to twenty and not one to twenty. cheryl hums softly.

 

“hmm, i keep that page close to my heart. it’s my top ten things on my to do list before i die…the ones i want to accomplish more than anything.” she says with a knowing smile. toni looks up at her before she decides to ask anyway, knowing she won’t get the answer she wants.

 

“what’s number one?” cheryl’s smile turns into a wide grin.

 

“i’d tell you…but i’d have to kill you.” she says simply. toni finds herself chuckling despite herself, and she flips the notepad shut and hands it back to cheryl with a smile and a nod.

 

“it’s a good list. i’m just surprised someone so young has one. you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, cheryl. you’ll accomplish those things, don’t you worry.” toni says reassuringly. cheryl winces slightly, but it’s quickly replaced with a smile before she gazes out of the window and sink back against the booth with a sigh, closing her eyes and swallowing thickly as she does.

 

the change in attitude is so quick, it catches toni off guard, and she leans in closer, reaching out to grip cheryl’s hand on the counter.

 

“are you okay?” toni asks, concern gripping her for the red haired girl, and cheryl simply purses her lips and nods once, opening her eyes to look at toni.

 

“i’m okay. did you see that i crossed out number eleven? ‘befriend somebody i don’t know’?” she says, that dazzling smile forming once more. toni blinks in surprise, because yes, she had noticed a line through number eleven, but…

 

“me?” she croaks out in shock, and cheryl hums once more before she simply nods, eyes blinking almost tiredly as she leans forward to take an onion ring from the platter. toni swallows the lump in her throat, blinks back her tears and doesn’t respond.

 

she doesn’t know why being responsible for crossing something off cheryl’s bucket list is making her so emotional, but she smiles regardless and looks to cheryl with as much sincerity as she can muster before she utters her next words.

 

“thank you, cheryl. i’m honored to be the one who helped you cross something of your list.” she whispers softly. cheryl simply smiles, and toni returns it before she clears her throat and cocks an eyebrow.

 

“i also saw that ‘learn another language’ is crossed off.” cheryl laughs before she flips her hair and grins.

 

“oui.”

 

french. of course she speaks french… 

 

\-------------

 

toni accelerates her bike faster, making her way back to the trailer park in a haste to get there before her uncle returns from the whyte wyrm, the bar on the southside that the serpents hung out in.

 

it’s not that he minds when she’s out late, but ever since the incident with jughead, he’s been a little bit more insistent on her being home by eleven, and toni definitely doesn’t want to piss him off. he’s the only family she has left, and he’s raised her all these years…it’s fucking sweet pea and fangs once again, always telling her to stay just five more minutes…they just don’t seem to care. about anything, and toni doesn’t understand how or why she’s suddenly noticing all the toxic behavior they exhibit, especially when sweet pea had told her she was stupid for apologizing to jughead, toni finally able to get a moment alone with the boy to say sorry for everything that had happened, and even though jughead had accepted her apology with a smile, sweet pea still insisted on making her feel like an ass about it-

 

she comes screeching to halt, squeezing the brake harshly when her eyes come across a very familiar red impala parked just outside the cemetery, her eyes moving to the flash of red hair that opens the gate and walks inside without hesitation-

 

“what the hell…” toni murmurs, slowly accelerating to get closer until she’s parked in front of cheryl’s car. she shuts the ignition off and removes her helmet, kicking the stand down and making her way over to cheryl just as she passes a few feet in front of the gate-

 

“hey! hey, cheryl!” she almost trips over a rock, fumbling slightly as she catches the gate with a curse under her breath, and cheryl pauses, a different kind of bag to the one she goes to school with draped over her shoulder as she turns and looks at toni in surprise at first.

 

surprise that quickly turns into happiness, the smile on her face goddamn astounding as she watches toni approach her with wide eyes.

 

“toni? what are you doing here?”

 

“i could ask you the same thing. do you usually walk around cemeteries this late at night?” toni asks with a pant, coming to a stop in front of her with a grin as the girl chuckles and simply shrugs. 

 

“sometimes i do, to visit my family…other times to do what i have planned tonight.” she says sheepishly, piquing toni’s interest almost immediately.

 

“which would be?” she sing songs, her grin only growing wider as she wonders what exactly innocent little cheryl blossom could be doing in a cemetery in the middle of the night.

 

_she’s a witch, knew it-_

 

cheryl suddenly clicks on a flashlight and flashes it in toni’s face, the girl wincing and narrowing her eyes from the brightness of it as cheryl giggles at her.

 

“come and see.” she sing songs back. 

 

toni watches her walk away in surprise, contemplating her next move carefully. she should go home, she really should…

 

she licks her lips before she sighs and sends a quick message to her uncle telling him she’ll be a little late and she’s sorry before she follows cheryl further into the cemetery. 

 

it’s a creepy atmosphere, one toni doesn’t at all like. her family were native american, they believed in spirits roaming the earth, and toni can feel the weird vibes coming off the area almost immediately, but she follows cheryl regardless, not willing to let the girl roam around a goddamn cemetery on her own this late at night, even if she has done it a million times before.

 

cheryl comes to a stop at a clearing where there’s barely any graves, and she slides her bag off her shoulder before she opens it and begins fiddling with something inside it. to toni’s surprise, she pulls out what looks like a large telescope, setting it down on the ground before she pulls out a stand for it as well, panting slightly from the weight of it.

 

toni rushes forward and picks the telescope up off the ground, grunting from the weight of it and wondering how the hell cheryl was carrying it on her back as she smiles at toni gratefully and sets the stand on the ground. toni fumbles with the telescope, helping her put it into place before cheryl looks at her with a warm smile.

 

“wanna look at the stars with me?” she says softly. toni licks her lips before she simply nods, and cheryl’s smile only grows wider as she adjusts the telescope, moving it higher and settling it in on a section of the stars twinkling high above them.

 

“so you do this often?” toni asks, smiling as cheryl bends down and stares into the scope attached to the cylinder tube with a narrowed gaze. cheryl hums before she nods, looking up at toni and standing tall before she nods down at the telescope for toni to see. toni takes a deep breath in before she leans forward and stares into the telescope.

 

to her surprise, she can see saturn in the sky, the planet shining amongst the stars and only slightly blurry as toni pulls back with a frown. cheryl seems to catch on immediately, sighing in discontent before she purses her lips.

 

“i know. everything’s a little blurry, i need to build a new one before the comet paradise passes by…they said it’ll pass by the end of spring…” cheryl murmurs, and toni nods in understanding.

 

“it’s on your list.” toni says with a smile. cheryl blinks in surprise before she licks her lips and stares at toni in wonder, her head tilting to the side slightly as she does.

 

“you remembered?” she whispers. toni nods again, gazing back down into the telescope and marveling at just beautiful the stars look when there isn’t any damn light pollution stopping her from seeing them.

 

they’re all bundled together, thousands upon thousands of them, and toni can’t believe she can see so many of them within the small circle of the telescope, pondering just how many are truly out there in the universe if so many can fit in this small shape…

 

toni tries to stop the pounding in her heart as she pulls back and looks up at cheryl, watching as she bends down to look into the telescope, humming under her breath a song that toni realizes is from _‘carrie: the musical’._

 

the words are escaping her before she can even stop them.

 

“cheryl, would you like to go on a date with me?” toni breathes, the words blurting out of her mouth and causing her to wince almost immediately. 

 

fuck, fuck, why did she say that, why-

 

she sees cheryl’s back stiffen, sees the girl grip the tiny scope so tightly, her knuckles turn white, and toni’s heart is racing, echoing in her ears and making sweat build in the palm of her hands despite the chilly weather as cheryl slowly stands straight and looks to toni with a frown.

 

oh god, she’s so stupid, why did she say that, why-

 

_because you want to go on a date with her, toni. because this girl has had you intrigued from the second she sat down beside you, you’ve been infatuated ever fucking since…_

 

toni wants this. she does, she wants this so badly, because fuck, cheryl blossom has taken up every iota of her mind for the last few weeks and toni _doesn’t want it to stop._ she just wants to get to know her-

 

“toni…” cheryl says her name so softly, and god, the apprehension and the caution in her voice has toni’s heart dropping with anxiety and sadness.

 

cheryl doesn’t like her in that way, and why the fuck should she? toni’s a fucking mess, it’s pretty fucking obvious-

 

“toni, i’d love to go on a date with you.” cheryl whispers. 

 

toni’s heart _soars._

 

she blinks rapidly, staring at cheryl in surprise, and the girl is looking at her with so much awe and wonder, like she almost can’t believe toni’s standing right in front of her, the smile on her face growing wider and wider-

 

“i…fuck, really?” toni croaks out, laughing in disbelief and grinning when cheryl laughs with her and cocks an eyebrow.

 

“of course, t.t. i…” cheryl bites down on her bottom lip, clearly hesitant to say anything further, but before toni can prod cheryl to open up to her, her phone begins ringing loudly, causing them both to jump slightly.

 

she curses under her breath and pulls it out of her pocket, seeing her uncle’s name at the top of the caller id.

 

“fuck, it’s my uncle. i’m supposed to be back home, he set a curfew for me after the incident happened…” toni murmurs, frowning as she looks up at cheryl apologetically, but cheryl simply smiles and shakes her head before nodding towards the gate with a shaky breath.

 

“go, toni. i’ll be fine on my own.” she says softly. toni licks her lips before she answers the call, already thinking of an excuse that will allow her uncle to let her stay.

 

“hey, uncle jake…”

 

“toni, i set a curfew for a reason…” her uncle says sternly. toni sighs and runs her fingers through her hair before she simply decides to tell the truth.

 

she’s spent too many years making up excuses, she’s sick of it.

 

“no, i know, i’m…i’m with a friend, she’s all alone and i don’t wanna leave her by herself. i’ll be home soon, i promise, okay? i swear i’m not causing any trouble, i-.” toni feels cold fingers wrap around her hand before the phone is being pulled away from her ear, and toni watches in surprise as cheryl raises the phone to her own ear with a smile.

 

“hi mr. topaz, my name is cheryl blossom…yes, alice cooper’s niece…toni’s just hanging out with me, but i promise i’ll have her home within the hour. we’re just looking at the stars…thank you mr. topaz, i promise to make sure she doesn’t get into trouble. goodnight…” cheryl chuckles and hands the phone back to toni, who stares at her outstretched hand with a dumbfounded look on her face before she takes it and holds it to her ear with a frown.

 

“uh…”

 

“don’t you dare corrupt that girl, toni, the coopers are a respected family around riverdale and alice will likely murder you if she finds out cheryl is with you.” her uncle says firmly, and toni belches out a laugh before she looks up at cheryl in amusement.

 

“i won’t. i promise. i’ll be home soon.” toni ends the call before she looks up at cheryl expectantly, and the girl simply clears her throat before she smiles and looks at toni with a raised eyebrow.

 

“so…about that date?” 

 

\--------------

 

“seriously?”

 

sweet pea’s look of annoyance has toni rolling her eyes as she quickly fishes through her wardrobe for another shirt, not happy with the red and black flannel she’d picked out. 

 

“get over it, sweets. i don’t remember complaining when you skipped out on movie night to spend it with josie mccoy.” toni mutters, reaching for her grey crop top with pursed lips. 

 

“that’s not what i’m confused about. you’re going on a date? with _cheryl blossom?_ ” sweet pea says incredulously, shaking his head in disbelief as toni pulls the crop top out and rips off the flannel quickly to pull it down over her head. 

 

“yes, i am.” toni says firmly, grabbing the flannel off the ground and tying it around her waist as she looks at herself in the full length mirror. her black jeans cling to her body tightly, her combat boots looking cleaner than ever after toni spent the entire afternoon scrubbing them with a toothbrush. 

 

she wants to look _perfect._

 

she kind of has the perfect date set up, cheryl’s list playing in the back of her mind, and she finds herself chuckling at the fact that it took her _weeks_ to learn her lines for the musical, and yet one glance at cheryl’s list and she’s memorized it off by heart…

 

“ _cheryl blossom,_ toni?!”

 

“yes, fuck! cheryl blossom, sweet pea! i’m going on a date with cheryl blossom!” toni snaps angrily, adjusting the bandana in her hair roughly before she grabs her lip gloss from the top of the dresser and applies it over her full lips carefully. 

 

she doesn't get what the fuck sweet pea's problem is but she's getting sick of his bullshit altogether, really-

 

“what…since when are you even _in_ to cheryl blossom?” sweet pea asks in confusion. toni rolls her eyes and turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“do you have a problem with her or something?” she demands, ready to rip sweet pea a new one if he says yes, but sweet pea raises his hands and shakes his head.

 

“look, i don’t even know the girl, but that’s exactly my point! she doesn’t talk to anyone but her cousin, and you’re going on a date with her?” he says with a chuckle of disbelief. toni sighs and reaches down to grab her handbag, taking out her wallet from her school bag and shoving it into her handbag quickly.

 

“she talks to _me_. i don’t expect you to understand, sweets, she’s…she’s fucking _amazing._ we got along during rehearsal for the musical and i just…i really like her. really, _really_ like her.” toni says, smiling fondly despite herself as she thinks about what cheryl might be wearing for their date, what she might look like, what she’s doing right at this very moment-

 

sweet pea scoffs for the hundredth time, and toni checks over her makeup, unaware that he’s watching her with a cold look in his eyes with his arms crossed over his chest angrily.

 

“you’ve changed, tiny. ever since that bullshit with jughead-.” sweet pea starts, and toni spins around to glare at him in disbelief.

 

isn’t he tired? god, isn’t he sick and tired of the constant bullshit they do every week, day in and day out?

 

“of course i fucking changed, sweet pea! we almost got him _killed!_ i’m…i’m sick of the bullshit, i’m sick of being seen as nothing but a troublemaker, and i’m sick of causing trouble in the first place! what are we doing, sweet pea? what are we doing with our lives, doing stupid shit and almost getting arrested every weekend? tagging the southside with graffiti, antagonizing the ghoulies and causing chaos for f.p, what does it gain us? i…i wanna be better, sweet pea.” toni croaks out, wringing her hands together anxiously as she looks at her best friend in despair.

 

she wants him to see…wants him to understand just how much everything _has_ changed…toni doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life in riverdale, doesn’t want to be a southside serpent, a gang member for the rest of her days...cheryl was right, life is short, and toni doesn’t want to spend it being nothing but a nuisance to people who never did anything to harm her…she doesn’t want to spend it with nothing to be passionate about, getting through the days with the same routine, over and over again-

 

“better for cheryl?” sweet pea growls suddenly, clenching his jaw and his fists as toni licks her lips and replies almost immediately.

 

“better for myself.” she whispers truthfully, because yes…maybe part of her wants to be a better person for cheryl, a person worthy of taking that amazing, beautiful girl out on a date, but more than anything…toni wants to be better for _herself._ because the life she’s leading right now…

 

that can’t be all it is.

 

sweet pea scoffs before he simply stands, ruffling the back of his hair and shuffling on his feet before he begins making his way to her bedroom door.

 

“whatever. see you around, toni.” he grumbles, exiting the room and leaving his best friend behind without so much as a backward glance.

 

toni sighs and takes a deep breath in, exhaling as she closes her eyes and tries not to focus on what just happened.

 

she’s taking cheryl out on a date, something she’s been fantasizing about for the last month…she doesn’t want anything to get in her way, she doesn’t want anything to ruin her night.

 

she has the perfect night planned. the perfect date planned. and sweet pea isn’t going to take that from her.

 

_work your charm, kid. sweep her off her feet._

 

\--------------

 

toni pulls into pop’s parking lot slowly, her eyes immediately falling on the impala parked there as well as she watches cheryl blossom push herself up off the side of the car door, the brightest smile lighting up her face as toni squeezes the brake and brings the bike to a stop a few feet away from her.

 

_holy shit, toni…_

 

cheryl looks…amazing.

 

toni can’t help but stare at the exposed skin of her legs only cut off mid-thigh by her red shorts, the black boots on her feet and the black shirt with little studs at the collar of it clinging to her body, the way it rides up and exposes a bit of her stomach as she adjusts the straps of the bag on her shoulders, pale skin that toni finds herself wanting to run her fingers over…

 

her makeup is perfect, complimenting her features in every way, nude lipstick and stunning eyes that have her biting her lip to stop herself from grinning as cheryl makes her way over to toni slowly.

 

“is there a reason why i’m picking you up at pop’s instead of your house?” toni asks, cocking an eyebrow and holding her spare helmet out to cheryl as she gets closer.

 

cheryl grins widely as she comes to a stop in front of toni, taking the helmet from her hands and looking at the bike a little apprehensively. 

 

“i didn’t want alice to see me getting on the back of a bike…she might kill me.” cheryl says breathlessly, the excitement in her eyes undeniable, and toni chuckles as she notices how cheryl is staring at her bike with wide eyes, clearly afraid to get on the back of it.

 

“i’ll go slow, cher, i promise.” toni says softly, standing up slightly and straddling the bike as she helps cheryl put the helmet over her head. cheryl smiles at her, cheeks slightly squashed by the padding on the inside of the helmet, and god, the sight is so fucking adorable, toni can’t help but bring cheryl’s hand to her lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and ignoring the way her heart flutters at the action.

 

she’s not the only one.

 

cheryl’s breath hitches, her squashed cheeks flushing either from the pressure or the feeling of toni’s lips on her skin, she isn’t sure, and cheryl lets out a shaky breath before she nods.

 

“okay. thank you.” she says in a small voice. toni smiles before she squeezes cheryl’s hand in her own.

 

“you look stunning by the way, cheryl.” she says softly. cheryl smiles, giggling as she looks toni up and down before she cocks an eyebrow.

 

“you don’t look so bad yourself.” she says with sincerity that has toni’s cheeks flushing as well, but before she can reply, cheryl’s gripping her shoulders and swinging her long legs over the bike slowly and carefully. 

 

she stays perfectly still, giving cheryl the time to adjust before she shoves her helmet on as cheryl grips her waist and presses her chest to toni’s back, the heat radiating off both their bodies palpable. 

 

toni starts up her bike just as cheryl leans into her ear, voice slightly muffled from the helmets they’re both wearing.

 

“where are we going?” she calls out over the roar of the engine. toni grins beneath her helmet and shakes her head.

 

“it’s a surprise. don’t worry, you’ll like it!” she pushes the bike back with her feet before she accelerates and takes off, making her way straight to the border between greendale and riverdale. 

 

she’s going to cross off at least two more things on cheryl’s list…

 

cheryl clings to her tightly, nails digging into toni’s waist through her serpent jacket as she races toward their destination, hoping that cheryl trusts her enough to know she’s not taking her anywhere unsafe.

 

it takes a few minutes, but after a while, cheryl’s grip loosens and toni can hear her laughing behind her. she glances into the rearview mirror to see cheryl with her eyes closed, taking in the wind caressing her face with a smile that not even the stars could miss…

 

 _god, she’s so beautiful…_

 

toni smiles, unable to stop herself at the sight of cheryl so carefree, and they drive for another twenty minutes before they finally reach the border between greendale and riverdale, passing sweetwater river as they do.

 

toni slows her bike down to a stop, glancing up at the signs on either side of the road, one welcoming people to riverdale, and one welcoming them to greendale. cheryl’s smile turns into a frown of confusion, and toni reaches behind her to tap cheryl’s thigh to get her to get off the bike. 

 

cheryl lets go of her waist and swings her leg off the bike, toni turning off the ignition and kicking the stand down before she follows suite eagerly.

 

“toni, what are we doing?” cheryl asks with a chuckle. toni smiles and takes her helmet off, cheryl doing the same before toni rests them on the handles of her bike and takes cheryl’s hand in her own.

 

“come on, you’ll see! let’s go!” toni drags her towards the signs twenty feet ahead of them, both their boots clapping on the asphalt loudly as cheryl laughs in confusion, but goes along with it. toni stutters to a stop between the signs, making sure that cheryl’s right in between them before she pulls her to a stop and grins at her, panting breathlessly as she does.

 

“okay, okay, so stand there. one foot there, one foot here.” toni says, tapping her legs to get her to place one foot beyond the greendale sign and one beyond the riverdale sign. cheryl does as she’s told before she looks up at toni with breathless excitement and wonder.

 

“okay…you’re acting like a crazy person, what’s going on?” she exclaims, laughing as toni shoves her hands into her pockets and bites down on her bottom lip to stop herself from grinning. 

 

“right now, you’re straddling the border between greendale and riverdale.” toni states, unable to contain her grin much longer as cheryl’s frown deepens and she shakes her head.

 

“okay…” she says in a low voice, clearly not understanding, and toni chuckles before she looks at the sign behind her with a shrug.

 

“you’re in two places at once.” she says softly, watching happily as cheryl’s eyes widen in surprise, her gaze moving from the sign in front of her to the sign behind her before she’s gasping in shock, realization dawning on her slowly.

 

“oh! oh, toni…” she breathes, tears immediately welling in her eyes, and she lets out a laugh of disbelief, her bottom lip trembling before she’s throwing her arms around toni’s neck, the pink haired girl wrapping her own around cheryl’s waist and spinning her around in a circle with an equally euphoric laugh.

 

the goddamn energy radiating off cheryl right now…toni never wants it to stop. she holds cheryl impossibly closer, wishing more than anything that she could bottle this moment and keep it with her forever…

 

“thank you…thank you so much, toni.” cheryl breathes into her ear, and toni buries her face into cheryl’s neck, lips brushing against her pulse point before she sets her back down on the ground and pulls away slowly.

 

“you’re welcome, cher.” she whispers, reaching a hand up to tuck a lock of red hair behind cheryl’s ear. cheryl lets out a shaky breath, eyes roaming over toni’s face with wonder, and toni licks her lips before she brushes her thumb over cheryl’s cheek gently.

 

“you’re so beautiful, cheryl…” toni breathes out, unable to keep those words inside her any longer, smiling up at the girl before her and watching as she stares at toni with wide eyes filled with shock.

 

cheryl bites down on her bottom lip, her eyes moving down to toni’s lips before she inhales sharply and looks into her eyes, chocolate brown staring into equally dark eyes.

 

“thank you, toni…i…” she hesitates, caution heavy in her eyes before she takes the hand not holding her face into her own, interlacing their fingers and looking down at them fondly.

 

“i’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl at riverdale high…but i was always just too afraid to say anything.” she whispers, her cheeks flushing as she looks up at toni shyly with hooded eyes that toni finds herself staring at in awe.

 

toni feels her heart warm at those words, feels it begin racing erratically as she swallows the lump in her throat and barely manages to get out her next words from how nerves currently pounding through her body.

 

“i might kiss you.” she breathes. cheryl’s eyes widen in fear slightly, a shaky breath escaping her as she looks at toni with nothing but terror.

 

“i might be bad at it.” she whispers back in fear. toni smiles at her reassuringly before she shakes her head, stepping closer and leaning up as slowly as she can to give cheryl the chance to back out…

 

she doesn’t. 

 

“that’s not possible…” toni murmurs, and cheryl inhales shakily before toni closes the gap between them and captures cheryl’s lips with her own. 

 

_oh god… **soft.**_

 

cheryl’s lips move slowly against toni’s, unsure and hesitant before toni smiles into the kiss, and she hears cheryl whimper before the girl deepens the kiss, toni’s pillowy bottom lip caught between cheryl’s as she curls a hand around the back of cheryl’s neck to pull her closer, the red haired girl gripping the lapels of her jacket between her fingers, and god, toni can feel how hard she’s shaking against her-

 

toni pulls away from her slowly, eyes fluttering open before she’s gripping cheryl’s face in her hands delicately as the girl lets her tears fall down her face freely, her eyes still closed and savoring the kiss they just shared before she lets out a deep breath. 

 

“cher?” toni asks softly, concern taking over as cheryl’s eyes flutter open, and she looks at toni with a mixture of emotions that toni can’t read shining in her eyes, her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip in hesitation before she replies.

 

“you…you crossed more than one thing off my list tonight, t.t.” she whispers, causing toni to frown in confusion before cheryl suddenly sniffs and lets out a light laugh, her cheeks flushed with what toni suspects is embarrassment.

 

“there’s…in my top ten, number ten and number nine…‘go on a first date’, and ‘have my first kiss’.” 

 

oh wow.

 

toni can’t believe what she’s just heard, stares at cheryl in disbelief over the fact that this beautiful, this amazing, _perfect_ girl has never had a her first kiss before.

 

how is that possible? how…

 

she simply waits patiently as cheryl licks her lips and lets out a small whine before she shakes her head.

 

“i…i never found a point in d-dating, i…too many things, i…and then you c-came along, and i…” cheryl seems incapable of words, stuttering them out in a rush before toni presses a finger to her lips to silence her with nothing but a smile.

 

it doesn’t matter. toni doesn’t need to hear it.

 

god, she was cheryl’s first date…her first _kiss…_

 

she fucking feels _honored._

 

“it’s okay, cher. you don’t…you don’t have to explain anything to me. i’m happy to help you cross off things from your list. is there anything else on there we can do tonight?” toni asks softly, wanting to cause a distraction to help cheryl feel more comfortable, and cheryl licks her lips before she frowns, clearly deep in thought as toni watches the tension in her shoulders slowly fade…

 

_there you go, toni…show her that she can trust you…_

 

toni watches with nothing but happiness as cheryl’s eyes light up with excitement before she looks to toni with a grin.

 

“maybe one more.”

 

\----------------

 

“alright, so we’ve got…a butterfly, a snake, some flowers…” toni says, rifling through the two dollar tattoos she just bought from the corner store ten minutes ago before driving cheryl here, to sweetwater river. she’s nowhere near the cliffside where jughead fell, refusing to go anywhere near the area, and she almost didn’t want to bring cheryl here at all, the thought making her stomach twist…

 

but sweetwater river is so beautiful at this time of year, and toni wanted to bring her here, wanted to make sweetwater river something better than what it was for her right now…

 

“do you have any tattoos, t.t.?” cheryl murmurs suddenly, swinging her feet in the water from the small rock they’re sitting on as toni chuckles and simply shrugs.

 

“one on my side, right here. it’s a serpent, all of us get them when we join the gang.” toni says fondly, touching her right side just beside her breast and above her ribcage. cheryl stares at the spot with a look in her eyes toni can’t read before she lets out a shaky breath and suddenly begins twisting her fingers in her hands.

 

“you know, alice used to be a southside serpent…a very long time ago. she and f.p jones…” cheryl trails off, watching as toni blinks in complete and utter shock.

 

holy shit, f.p jones and alice cooper? alice cooper used to be a _serpent?_

 

“i…no, i didn’t know that, actually.” toni says hoarsely, clearing her throat and frowning as cheryl chuckles and nudges her shoulder playfully.

 

“she told me i should be careful around you.” she murmurs. toni’s heart sinks, guilt and sadness gripping her that the reputation she’s put out over the years is finally starting to fuck her over.

 

“cheryl, i…” she trails off, unsure of what to even say, but cheryl suddenly grips toni’s face in her hands, thumbs brushing over her cheekbones as she smile so, so softly, toni feels her heart ache just at the sight of it.

 

“she doesn’t know you, toni. she only knows what everyone else says…but you’re different. you’re…you’re here with me, helping me fulfil a list i made on a whim for our first date, and you can’t begin to understand how much that means to me. you’re _amazing_ , toni. you truly are…please don’t let what other people think about you dictate how you should live your life.” cheryl croaks out, and god, those last few words…

 

they hit toni deeply, the girl blinking back tears as she sniffs and looks out at the river to stop herself from crying, but cheryl can fucking read her like an open book, because she takes toni’s hand and interlaces their fingers before she rests her head on toni’s shoulder gently.

 

“i didn’t mean to upset you-.”

 

“no, you…you didn’t. you never could, cher.” toni says hoarsely, squeezing their interlaced fingers together and smiling as cheryl hums softly and inches closer to her.

 

“why did you join the serpents, toni?” cheryl asks suddenly, pulling back and looking at toni with wonder as the pink haired girl licks her lips and looks at cheryl with a sigh.

 

“my dad was one. so is my uncle…i guess i just…felt obligated. but as much as they’re my family and as much as i love them…i don’t want this to be my life forever, cheryl. i wanna do something more, _be_ something more…” toni whispers, looking back out onto the river morosely, wishing more than anything that graduation was here already so she could just leave riverdale behind…maybe take cheryl with her…

 

“you will, toni. i believe that wholeheartedly.” cheryl says with a smile. toni returns it, and they stare at each other for a few moments before cheryl looks down at the pages of temporary tattoos in toni’s other hand.

 

“the snake…i want the snake.” she whispers, smiling at toni warmly, and toni’s heart aches with nothing but affection, the tears in her eyes once again building…

 

toni topaz doesn’t cry.

 

except for when cheryl blossom speaks, or breathes, or smiles, or laughs…

 

“cheryl…” she can’t stop herself, cradling cheryl’s cheek in her hand before she leans forward, and she hears cheryl’s breath hitch again before she’s kissing cheryl as lightly as she possibly can, the girl responding eagerly and gripping toni’s elbow to pull her in closer with a soft whine. 

 

she wants the snake…for toni, she wants the snake tattoo for toni…

 

and sure, it’s a temporary tattoo and it’ll fade in a few days, but the fact that cheryl wants the snake for _her…_

 

toni presses one last gentle kiss to cheryl’s lips, pulling back before she looks down at the temporary tattoos and gently begins ripping around the snake tattoo carefully. she pulls the bandana out of her hair and leans in closer, dipping it into the water that they’re currently wading their feet through. cheryl laughs breathlessly as toni squeezes the bandana of any excess water and grins at her.

 

“where do you want it?” she asks, licking her lips as cheryl frowns before she grips the long sleeve of her shirt and tugs it down gently, shrugging out of it a little awkwardly before exposing her shoulder and looking up into toni’s eyes with a smile.

 

“right here.” she croaks out, pulling the shirt down further and tapping her shoulder blade, and toni smiles and reaches out to brush cheryl’s hair away from the area, the girl taking over and holding it over the other shoulder as toni places the temporary tattoo over the skin of her shoulder blade.

 

“ready?” she whispers. cheryl chuckles, and she leans in to press a kiss to toni’s brow softly, both their eyes closing at this simple, intimate touch…

 

“it’s just a temporary tattoo, toni.” she whispers back against her skin. toni smiles despite herself and pulls back, looking at cheryl with a raised eyebrow.

 

“we can go get a real one if you want. you’re eighteen, they won’t care.” she teases, and cheryl’s smile only grows impossibly wider before she sighs and shakes her head.

 

“i can’t, toni. for a multitude of reasons…i’m happy with this one.” she says softly, and toni leans in and presses her lips to cheryl’s shoulder, the girl’s breath hitching at the action before toni rests the tattoo on her shoulder blade and places the bandana on top of it, pressing down as gently as she possibly can. 

 

she keeps it there for a minute, feeling cheryl’s eyes on her face as she wets every inch of the paper carefully. she licks her lips before she removes the bandana, slowly peeling the paper back and smiling as the tattoo stains cheryl’s skin. the snake is almost intimidating, and god, it looks so out of place on the skin of cheryl blossom, especially when she hears cheryl giggle happily as toni gently blows on the ink, brushing her thumb over it to make sure it doesn’t peel off before she meets cheryl’s gaze with a soft smile. 

 

“another thing crossed off the list.” she murmurs, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind cheryl’s ear. cheryl smiles, and she shivers slightly, letting out a shaky breath as she gently pulls the sleeve back up over her shoulder. toni shrugs off her serpent jacket quickly and rests it over cheryl’s shoulders, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close as cheryl leans into her with a weary smile.

 

“thank you.” she says in a soft voice, her body almost sagging against toni’s and causing the pink haired girl to frown.

 

“are you tired?” toni whispers, pressing her lips to cheryl’s hairline and smiling as the girl nods against her with a soft hum.

 

“i’m sorry, t.t…it’s barely even nine, but i just-.”

 

“no, it’s okay. i’ll take you home. there’s always gonna be other nights and other dates, cheryl. i promise.” toni says, chuckling as cheryl reaches for her hand and interlaces their fingers. cheryl sniffs loudly, and toni’s surprised to see she’s crying as she pulls away and looks up at toni with nothing but sadness shining in her eyes.

 

“i don’t want tonight to end.” she whispers. toni’s heart aches, the same feeling gripping her as she brushes away cheryl’s tears with the pad of her thumb, leaning in and pressing her lips right between cheryl’s eyes in a tender kiss.

 

“then let’s go on another date tomorrow night.” she says against her skin, pulling back and looking into cheryl’s eyes as the girl stares at her in surprise. she hesitates, licks her lips and lets out a deep sigh before answering.

 

“toni, i…” 

 

“come on, cher. please…for me?” toni begs, gripping her hand in her own and pulling it up to meet her lips in a gentle kiss before she’s smiling against white knuckles with a pleading pout. 

 

if she could, she’d spend every waking moment with this girl, she’s so goddamn infatuated by everything about her…

 

cheryl’s eyes soften, the worry almost immediately evaporating under toni’s pouting gaze, and she laughs before she purses her lips and nods slowly.

 

“okay. what are we gonna do?” she asks with wonder, and toni grins widely and leans in to press a kiss to her cheek gently.

 

“leave it to me, cher. i’ll make it just as memorable as tonight, i promise.” 

 

\--------------

 

on the second date, toni had taken cheryl to a restaurant further into the nicer side of riverdale and after they were done eating, she taught cheryl how to slow dance on the tiny square wooden platform off to the side of restaurant, toni rushing toward the manager to ask him to play some slow music for them to dance to as cheryl had bitten her lip to stop herself from grinning widely.

 

on the third date, they simply grabbed some food to go from pop’s and parked cheryl’s impala next to the forest of sweetwater river, sitting in the back seat and talking as they ate before cheryl had cuddled up into toni’s lap, the girl placing her serpent jacket over cheryl with her legs on either side of her body, the girl’s back pressed against toni’s chest. cheryl had dozed off after a few hours of gazing at the stars, her head resting on toni’s shoulder, and the pink haired girl couldn’t take her eyes off her, watching her furrowed brow and the way her chest rose and fell with each breath in her sleep as she pressed kiss after kiss to her hair and face gently. 

 

their fourth date, everything had changed. 

 

“cheryl?” toni had whispered, her lips pressed to cheryl’s temple as the girl hummed softly and cuddled further into toni’s lap from where they were sitting on their rock at sweetwater river, and toni had clutched her bottom lip between her teeth before she had asked the question that had been on her mind from the second they had started these dates…

 

“cher…will…will you be my girlfriend?” toni had asked softly, her heart pounding with fear and anxiety, and the way cheryl had leaned forward to stare back at her in shock, the way tears had immediately sprung in her eyes before she had grabbed toni’s face and kissed her deeply, repeating the word ‘yes’ over and over again against them…

 

toni’s pretty sure she’ll never get that image or the happiness that exploded inside her out of her mind. 

 

it’s been almost a month now since they started dating, and they’re inching closer and closer to their graduation, a month and a half away from freedom, and toni finds herself wondering if her plans to leave riverdale after she graduates are still her plans at all.

 

she doesn’t know what cheryl has planned for when she graduates, suspects she probably will want to head to college, but toni knows that’s not an option for her. she can’t afford it, and fuck, she’s already stressing about how her and cheryl are going to make this work once she goes off to college, is already stressing about what the hell she’s going to do with her life once they graduate…

 

she knows she should talk to cheryl about it, but she wants to put it off for as long as she can…they’re so happy right now, she doesn’t want to jeopardize that by bringing up serious stuff…

 

toni’s lost count of how many dates they’ve been on now, but she plans for this one to be special, her mind on the paper in her bag as she clutches it in her hands and grins, following cheryl further into the cemetery to the clearing from before, the red haired girl carrying the bag with her telescope in it with slight difficulty that has toni frowning and stepping forward quickly.

 

“cher, baby, here…let me take it.” she takes the bag from cheryl’s trembling hands, her frown deepening as the girl lets out a wheeze of exhaustion before she sighs and offers toni a small smile. 

 

toni sets down both bags before she grabs her own and pulls out two picnic blankets, resting them on the grass and gripping cheryl’s shoulder to settle her down on top of them gently. 

 

“i’ll set up the telescope, babe, you just relax.” toni says with a soft smile, and cheryl looks up at her with a weak smile, her eyes fluttering closed as toni takes in the sweat forming on her brow.

 

toni can’t keep her out for too long tonight. she knows alice has a curfew for cheryl, that she has to be back home by ten regardless, but it’s barely eight and cheryl looks like she’s already so tired…

 

_maybe she’s getting ill…_

 

“hey, cher?” toni calls out once she finishes setting up the telescope. the girl looks up at her with a smile to show she’s listening, and toni licks her lips before she reaches into her bag for the two pieces of paper she needs to reveal her surprise.

 

“do you think you can find this star for me? the co-ordinates are at the bottom…” toni says, holding the paper out to cheryl, who slowly pushes herself up off the ground with a wince before she takes toni’s outstretched hand and grips it tightly. she bends down over the telescope, occasionally glancing back at the paper while she hums under her breath and searches for the star. a few minutes pass before she makes a noise of triumph and grins back at toni softly.

 

“here, babe…it’s here.” she croaks out, gripping toni by the lapels of her jacket to get her to stare into the scope. toni stares into the scope with a frown, grinning as she looks at the star that shines so brightly right in the middle before she leans back and looks to cheryl fondly.

 

“it’s beautiful, cher…” she whispers, cradling cheryl’s face in her hand as the girl presses a kiss to the palm of her hand with a smile, fingers curling around her wrist lightly.

 

“why are you asking me to find it, t.t.?” cheryl asks with confusion. toni smiles and holds up the piece of paper in her hands so cheryl can see it.

 

“because i named it after you, baby.” she whispers. 

 

cheryl’s eyes widen, a gasp escaping her, but toni doesn’t stop there, doesn’t let her get a word in as she holds up the second piece of paper, handing it to cheryl as well and holding back her tears as she utters her next words.

 

“and the one right next to it? i got that one named after jason, cheryl. so you two will always be right beside each other, forever.” toni says as kindly as she possibly can, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear nervously, and she watches sadly as cheryl’s bottom lip trembles, thick tears falling down her cheeks as she stares down at the two pieces of paper that shake in her hands before she throws her arms around toni’s neck and hugs her close, sobbing into her shoulder loudly as toni rubs her back soothingly.

 

“shh, it’s okay…” toni whispers, her heart breaking as she presses a kiss to cheryl’s ear and holds her impossibly closer.

 

she knew it would be an emotional thing for cheryl to handle, but she wanted to do this for her…

 

“t-toni-.” cheryl chokes out before she sniffs and suddenly pulls away-

 

“thank you, toni…thank you so much, i…” cheryl’s voice is so high pitched with her emotions, her face screwed up in a mixture of happiness and sadness, and toni presses a soft kiss to her lips, about to tell her that she doesn’t want to hear her thanks, just wants her to keep smiling that beautiful smile that makes her heart flutter every time she sees it-

 

_tell her, toni. tell her…_

 

“cheryl…i...” toni’s voice is shaking so hard, but she’s determined to get these words out, to tell cheryl how she feels as the girl watches her patiently, that smile still on her face…

 

“i love you.” toni whispers, her heart clenching tightly as, for the first time…

 

toni topaz lets her tears fall. 

 

cheryl’s eyes widen, her lips parted in shock as toni reaches up to touch her face with a shaky smile, her tears falling down her cheeks gently before cheryl reaches up to brush them away with the pad of her thumb.

 

“you promised not to fall in love with me.” cheryl breathes, and toni can’t help but laugh, sniffing back her tears and nodding once before she licks her lips and shrugs.

 

“couldn’t help myself, cher…” she croaks out. cheryl’s smile is fucking _astounding_ , and toni doesn’t expect to hear those words uttered back, doesn’t mind if they aren’t-

 

cheryl suddenly bends down and reaches for her bag, sniffling as she does until she pulls something out of the front pocket of it.

 

it’s a single piece of paper, bigger than the notepad that she has her list written on, and she unfolds it and smooths it out with a shaky sigh before she pulls a pen out of her bag, striking something on the paper, then holding it out to toni.

 

“my top ten.” she breathes. toni’s heart clenches, and she looks at cheryl in surprise, her fingers closing around the paper before she licks her lips nervously.

 

“cher, are you sure?” she whispers. cheryl grips toni’s hand and holds it tightly in her own, smiling and nodding once as toni takes a deep breath in and turns the paper over. her eyes roam over the full list written out right in front of her, some of the numbers crossed out from the last time she read it…

 

_20\. make someone’s dream come true._  
~~_19\. learn another language._ ~~  
_18\. go to california._  
_17\. see a comet._  
~~_16\. learn how to slow dance._ ~~  
~~_15\. get a star named after jason._ ~~  
_14\. graduate high school._  
~~_13\. get a tattoo._ ~~  
~~_12\. be in two places at once._ ~~  
~~_11\. befriend somebody i don’t know._ ~~  
~~_10\. go on a first date._ ~~  
~~_9\. have my first kiss._ ~~  
~~_8\. fall in love._ ~~  
_7\. have sex for the first time._  
_6\. change someone’s life._  
_5\. go to prom and be prom queen._  
_4\. get married._  
_3\. give the blossom family ring to the person i love._  
_2\. spend every second i have left cherishing my life._  
_1\. witness a miracle._

 

toni’s eyes land on number one, a soft smile taking over her features, but nerves quickly gripping her as she ponders.

 

witness a miracle. toni’s not sure how she’s going to help her accomplish that one…what even constitutes as a miracle-

 

number eight. number eight is crossed out.

 

toni gasps despite herself, her eyes staring at the line crossed through the words right there on the paper, and she looks up at cheryl in complete and utter shock as the red haired girl lets her tears fall down her cheeks with a smile.

 

“number eight is c-crossed out.” toni chokes out. cheryl simply nods, her bottom lip quivering before she lets out a shaky breath and steps closer to toni.

 

“it’s crossed out because it’s true. i…i am so in love with you too, toni topaz. i…i didn’t think i could ever be this happy, didn’t think it was possible for my heart to feel the way it does when i’m with you, but…it does, toni. because i love you, i do-.”

 

toni cuts her off with a bruising kiss, a soft whine escaping her as cheryl holds her as close as she possibly can before she’s stumbling back slightly, and toni gently lowers her to the ground, an arm wrapped around her back as the other settles on the ground to brace them both gently. she lays cheryl down on the picnic blankets, settling between her legs as she deepens the kiss, tongue sliding against cheryl’s languidly before the girl pulls away from her with a breathless gasp.

 

“i love you, toni.” she whispers. 

 

those words…god, toni will never get sick of hearing them…

 

“i love you too, cheryl.”

 

\----------------

 

cheryl’s been quiet the whole night.

 

toni had picked cheryl up from the cooper household, had smiled sheepishly at alice cooper as she watched cheryl jump on the back of toni’s bike apprehensively from the porch, and toni suspects it has something to do with the conversation she had overheard before cheryl had made her way over to her earlier tonight, their voices carrying out over the lawn as toni had shut off the engine to listen.

 

she’s nosy. sue her.

 

“cheryl, she’s a southside serpent, for god’s sake, i just…i don’t want to see you get hurt!” alice had exclaimed, the expression on her face frantic as cheryl had smiled and reached out to grip her hand.

 

“i know, aunt alice, but…you don’t know her like i do. and i…i love her.” cheryl had said, the words making toni’s heart explode with happiness as she averted her gaze to give them privacy, but she could feel alice’s stare burning holes into the side of her face before she heard the older woman sigh, her next words barely caught by toni as she said them softly.

 

“then be fair to her, cheryl…before things get worse.”

 

cheryl’s barely spoken since then, has only given toni small answers and soft smiles throughout the entire night, something clearly weighing heavily in the back of the girl’s mind, and toni doesn’t know what it is, but she wants cheryl to talk to her…

 

they’re at pop’s, and toni can feel betty cooper’s eyes on them, but instead of the usual glare, there’s something akin to pity shining in them, toni frowning as betty leans in to jughead to whisper something before they boy looks over at them with a sigh. sweet pea and fangs are also watching her from the booth at the far end of the diner, sweet pea scowling while fangs simply watches with a frown, and toni suddenly feels a little claustrophobic in here-

 

“hey, uh…do you wanna go outside, get some fresh air? it’s a little crowded in here.” toni says awkwardly with a clear of her throat, wanting to get away from all of the constant gazing, and cheryl purses her lips and nods before she slides out of the booth, taking toni’s hand in her own and interlacing their fingers as toni avoids sweet pea’s gaze and exits the diner to take in a deep breath of fresh air.

 

she sighs before she leads cheryl over to her bike, and she hears cheryl sniff loudly, her head snapping up with concern to see that cheryl is crying.

 

“cher? baby, what’s wrong?” toni asks, concern flooding her as she takes both of cheryl’s hands into her own and presses a kiss to her knuckles tenderly. cheryl’s bottom lip quivers as she swallows thickly and looks at toni with nothing but grief, her hands pulling away from toni to wring together nervously before she inhales sharply.

 

“i’m sick.” she whispers, the words barely coherent as they escape her in a gasp, and toni frowns before she runs her fingers through her hair and nods once.

 

so that’s why she’s been acting weird, toni should’ve cancelled their date tonight-

 

“okay, i’ll take you home, you’ll feel better tomorrow-.”

 

“no, toni, listen to me! i’m…i’m sick.” cheryl repeats, tears falling down her cheeks in thick streams as toni looks at her with complete confusion, but the way her heart is racing, pounding against her chest as sweat builds in the palms of her hands-

 

“i have leukaemia.” cheryl breathes. 

 

toni feels the life _leave her._

 

she blinks, completely and utterly dumfounded as cheryl’s whole body trembles in anguish, a soft whimper escaping her as toni goes into complete denial, shaking her head furiously and barely managing to get her next words out.

 

“no…n-no, you’re eighteen, you’re…you’re perfect-.” toni stutters out, refusing to believe what she’s just heard because no, no, cheryl’s not sick, she doesn’t have cancer, it can’t be-

 

“toni, i…i found out two years ago and i’ve stopped responding to treatments…” cheryl croaks out, her shoulders almost sagging in defeat, this immediate vibe of loss coming off of her that just makes toni angry.

 

“why…why didn’t you tell me?” toni tries to keep her calm, but the words escape her in a hiss through bared teeth, her nails digging into her palm as cheryl bites down on her lower lip and lets out a low whine of grief.

 

“because, i…the doctor said i should go on and live life normally as best as i could, i…i didn’t want anyone to be weird around me, toni-.”

 

“including me!?” toni exclaims, tears falling down her face before she can stop them as cheryl reaches out and grips the lapels of her jacket.

 

“especially you!” cheryl cries out, her chin wobbling as she suddenly lets toni go and steps back, heavy sobs escaping her chest that only make toni want to hold her close and never let her go-

 

_she’s dying…cheryl’s dying, this can’t be happening…_

 

“you know, i was getting along with everything fine, i accepted it and then you happened! god, i…i do not need a reason to be mad at the world, toni, but i am! i’m so m-mad that the w-world is taking m-me from you b-because i l-love you and i d-don’t want to leave you-.”

 

cheryl’s knees buckle, and toni whimpers before she jumps forward and holds cheryl close, the both of them falling to the ground in their despair as toni wraps her arms around her girlfriend and cries into the back of her neck while cheryl buries her face into toni’s chest with loud sobs, two girls clinging to each other desperately…

 

“shh, it’s okay…it’s okay, i’m here, cher…i’m here…”

 

toni’s mind is spinning, anger and fear and sadness and grief and a million other fucking emotions flooding her, and she can’t believe this, doesn’t want to believe it, because it can’t be true, it can’t, please…

 

“ch-cheryl-.”

 

“i’m so s-sorry, toni! i’m s-sorry i didn’t tell you earlier-.” cheryl chokes out, her fingers digging into toni’s arm as the pink haired girl pulls cheryl into her closer with the pain in her heart increasing tenfold with each passing second.

 

_she’s dying…_

 

“cheryl!?” toni sniffs and looks up as betty runs toward them, the look of concern on her face making toni’s heart clench as cheryl pulls away from her and looks up at betty with a wail of despair.

 

“i d-don’t wanna d-die, betty! not n-now-.” cheryl cries, and fuck, toni can’t do this, she can’t-

 

“shh, shh, cheryl, it’s okay!” betty’s eyes immediately well up with tears as toni simply falls onto her backside and lets cheryl’s cousin take her from her arms, her body lifeless and her heart aching as the sound of cheryl’s loud sobs echo out around her.

 

she just...shuts down.

 

_she’s dying, toni…everyone you love leaves you…_

 

\------------

 

toni isn’t sure how long she spends crying in her room when she gets back from pop’s that night, unable to even tell her uncle what the cause of her tears is from how hard she’s sobbing as she runs into her room and curls up underneath the blankets.

 

she’s pretty sure a whole day passes, her body aching with every move she makes as the only thought that seems to process through her mind is the fact that cheryl blossom is dying.

 

the girl she loves is sick, is dying and toni can’t do anything to stop it.

 

 _“cancer’s no easy thing.”_

 

the memory of those words, the way cheryl had said them with that look in her eyes the first day they had even spoken to each other after five goddamn years had only made toni cry harder, guilt wracking her body for ever even smoking near that girl to the point where she’d begun gasping for air in her hysteria, her uncle bursting through the door to hold her close and beg her to breathe deeply.

 

she doesn’t hear from cheryl, had let betty take her home once the girl had calmed down enough while toni just continued to sit there in her despair and anguish, and toni feels fucking terrible.

 

she wants to message cheryl more than anything, but she has no idea where to even fucking begin.

 

cheryl’s sick, and toni’s being an idiot, crying in her room instead of spending every precious second left by cheryl’s side, she needs to get out of here, she needs to find her-

 

“toni?” a soft knock at her door has her looking up with a sniff, her eyes red and puffy, but she can see through her blur of tears that it’s her uncle, and she sees a flash of blonde hair behind him-

 

betty cooper steps forward with a soft smile on her face, thanking her uncle before he closes the door behind them to give them some privacy.

 

toni swallows thickly, mouth dry and lips trembling as she watches betty look around her room in wonder, at the photographs on her wall that she’d taken with her camera of the sights of riverdale…

 

“is…is cheryl-.”

 

“she’s okay. she’s spent the whole day crying, much like you have, but…she’s okay. she misses you.” betty says softly, a small smile on her face as she finally sits down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. toni chokes on a whimper, her chin wobbling as she drops her gaze down to her lap and fiddles with her fingers.

 

“b-betty…why d-didn’t she tell me?” toni whines, unable to stop her voice from shaking as betty sighs and inches closer to her, reaching out to take her hand with a sad smile and tears in her eyes.

 

“because she loves you, toni. and she didn’t want you to treat her differently. she didn’t want you to get scared, or panic, or act like there’s no time left-.”

 

“is…is there…” toni can’t even get the words out, but betty seems to catch on, a deep sigh escaping her as she bites down on her bottom lip and blinks back her tears.

 

“the doctors said she’s got maybe a few months left…that this summer…this summer will be her last.” she whispers hoarsely, the pain evident in her eyes as toni buries her face into her hands and simply…cries.

 

it didn’t matter. it didn’t matter what cheryl was doing after high school because…

 

_fuck, i can’t **do this…**_

 

“toni, please…i need you to do something for me.” betty asks softly, and toni looks up at her in anguish as the girl sighs and reaches out to grip toni’s hand once more.

 

“i need you to be strong for _her._ i need you to be there for her in her final months, because god only knows they’re going to be the toughest she’s ever been through. she need someone who loves her by her side, toni. and i know this hurts, and i know you love her too, but you _have_ to do this for her.” betty says fiercely, tears falling down her cheeks as toni simply hugs her knees to her chest and shakes her head.

 

doesn't betty understand? toni loves her, she can't...she can't just watch her die, she can't _do this..._

 

“i c-can’t, betty, i…it h-hurts too m-much-.”

 

“i know, god, i _know_ , toni. she’s like my sister, i love her more than i can say, but this isn’t about me or you! it’s about _cheryl._ it’s about making the last few months of her life the best ones possible. please, toni…please help me do that.” betty begs, her hand squeezing toni’s tightly, and toni finds herself thinking about the last few months, about everything that’s happened since the incident with jughead…talking to cheryl and rehearsing for the musical with her, and becoming her friend, and falling in love with her…

 

_you love her, toni…_

 

toni swallows down the pain, looks into betty’s eyes before she nods once, because she's right. this isn't about her.

 

it's about cheryl...

 

“okay…okay, yeah, whatever you need…whatever _she_ needs.” toni croaks out. betty’s smile is dazzling, so similar to cheryl’s, but holding barely any of the charm that captures toni’s heart every time she sees it as she licks her lips and looks down at her phone.

 

“in that case, for starters…comet paradise is coming in two weeks. do you know how to build a telescope?”

 

\---------------

 

“it’s beautiful, toni! come, come look!” 

 

the absolute joy in cheryl’s eyes is something toni imprints into her brain like a stamp slamming down into her hippocampus fiercely, but she raises her camera regardless and takes a photo of cheryl’s smile as she looks up at toni with excitement, alice and betty watching from the door to her balcony fondly while toni saunters up to the brand new telescope she and betty have tirelessly worked on building over the last week to look down into the scope, her hand gripping cheryl’s frail one tightly.

 

a brilliant, bright yellow light shines through the circle, moving through the stars and burning a goddamn path through space and time as toni watches it do so in complete and utter awe.

 

“wow…this is amazing, cher!” she breathes, pulling back and squeezing cheryl’s hand as the girl leans down to look into the telescope once more with a breathless laugh. 

 

“can you believe it exists, babe? just tearing through the universe so brightly…no idea of the impact it’s having…” cheryl whispers, pulling back and looking up into toni’s eyes, and god, she’s trying so hard not to focus on the bags under cheryl’s eyes…the dark circles and the way her skin pinches slightly now…

 

“it reminds me of you, cher…” toni whispers, letting out a deep breath to stop herself from crying as cheryl gives her a shaky smile of her own. she grips toni’s hand tightly, interlacing their fingers before she leans down to kiss her softly.

 

toni lets her tears fall as she kisses her back, her hands gripping cheryl’s waist to pull her closer with a whine before the red haired girl pulls away breathlessly and looks down at her sadly.

 

“don’t cry, toni…” she whispers, brushing away her tears as toni’s bottom lip trembles, and she feels horrible, because she promised cheryl, she promised her no more tears...

 

“i know, i’m sorry, baby…i’m sorry.” toni whispers back, sniffing and smiling up at cheryl as best as she can as alice and betty sigh by the door. toni looks back at them to see them both crying, and she feels the guilt that quickly overtakes her.

 

they can’t be sad right now…

 

_the list._

 

toni wipes away her tears and clears her throat before she smiles and presses another kiss to the corner of cheryl’s mouth.

 

“so…now we can cross off another thing on the list! do you have it?” toni asks brightly, smiling as cheryl reaches into the pocket of the robe she’s wearing before she’s taking toni’s hand and leading her to the bench on her balcony with a grin. toni sits down before she pulls cheryl into her lap, the girl’s back pressing against her chest as she lets her feet lay flat across the rest of the bench.

 

she presses a kiss to the back of cheryl’s head as she watches her cross off number seventeen, and toni hesitates before she moves her lips to cheryl’s ear to whisper gently…

 

“you can cross off number twenty, too. and number six.” she says softly. cheryl hums gently, smiling and closing her eyes as toni presses a kiss to her temple and tries to ignore the ragged breaths cheryl draws in.

 

“really?” she whispers, looking at toni with nothing but love and affection as the serpent girl smiles and wraps her arms around cheryl’s chest to hold her as close as she possibly can.

 

“you’re my dream come true, cheryl. and i’d be stupid if i denied how much you’ve changed my life…” she says, pressing kiss after kiss to cheryl’s hair and face as the girl giggles against her happily before she crosses off numbers twenty and six.

 

~~_20\. make someone’s dream come true._ ~~  
~~_19\. learn another language._ ~~  
_18\. go to california._  
~~_17\. see a comet._ ~~  
~~_16\. learn how to slow dance._ ~~  
~~_15\. get a star named after jason._ ~~  
_14\. graduate high school._  
~~_13\. get a tattoo._ ~~  
~~_12\. be in two places at once._ ~~  
~~_11\. befriend somebody i don’t know._ ~~  
~~_10\. go on a first date._ ~~  
~~_9\. have my first kiss._ ~~  
~~_8\. fall in love._ ~~  
_7\. have sex for the first time._  
~~_6\. change someone’s life._ ~~  
_5\. go to prom and be prom queen._  
_4\. get married._  
_3\. give the blossom family ring to the person i love._  
_2\. spend every second i have left cherishing my life._  
_1\. witness a miracle._

 

“only eight more things left, t.t.” cheryl breathes, her head falling back against toni’s shoulder tiredly, and toni bites back a cry of anguish at the sight before she leans down to press a kiss to cheryl’s neck tenderly, trying to take solace in the feeling of her pulse thrumming against toni’s lips strongly…

 

“speaking of number five…prom is in a week…” toni whispers, smiling as cheryl chuckles and holds the arms wrapped around her chest with a low hum.

 

“mmm…i don’t think i’m going to be prom queen, toni. but if this is your way of asking me, the answer is an irrevocable yes.” she teases, and toni grins widely and rests her lips against cheryl’s hairline, closing her eyes and simply breathing the girl in…

 

“good. i’m gonna make it the best night of your life, cher. i promise.” 

 

\-------------

 

the rest of the school slowly begins to find out that cheryl blossom has only a few months left to live.

 

their breakdown outside pop’s is at first rumored to be a bad breakup, some even spreading a rumor that toni cheated on cheryl with veronica lodge of all fucking people, but when the students see cheryl and toni still walking through the hallways hand in hand the next day, it all eventually comes out.

 

cheryl blossom has cancer, and she’s dying.

 

sweet pea and fangs apologize to her and hug her close, telling her they’re sorry for ever getting mad at her for spending too much time with cheryl, and toni forgives them because she can and she wants to.

 

because life is fucking short and cheryl is fucking _dying._

 

the girl gets worse with every passing day, but god, is she so, _so strong._ toni and betty do their best to help her through it, toni’s arm always wrapped around her waist to keep her upright as she walked through the hallways weakly.

 

but the excitement of prom has brought out a new life in cheryl, the red haired girl’s face lighting up with happiness every time toni mentions it, and she tells toni that she has the perfect red dress picked out, that she can’t wait for toni to see her in it, that she feels like she’s floating on cloud nine with happiness over how everything is turning out in her life…

 

and toni almost wants to scream, to cry and yell at her for being so fucking optimistic when she’s fucking _dying_ , but she can’t…

 

she can’t because she loves cheryl blossom, and the smile that appears on her face every time she makes eye contact with her girlfriend is one that toni never, ever wants to stop seeing. 

 

even if in a few months’ time…it’ll disappear forever.

 

she pushes the thought aside as sweet pea brings his car to a stop outside of the cooper household, toni’s heart racing at a million miles an hour as she checks her makeup for the hundredth time in the pull down visor, fingers combing through the soft pink curls that cascade down her back in gentle waves.

 

“you look beautiful, tiny.” sweet pea reassures her with a tender smile. toni smiles back at him before she looks up at the house and lets out a shaky breath.

 

“tonight has to be perfect, sweets. it has to be perfect for her.” toni croaks out, blinking back the tears that well in her eyes as sweet pea sighs and grips her hand in his own tightly.

 

it needs to be perfect. cheryl deserves nothing less-

 

“it will be, okay? andrews got the whole football team to vote for her, josie got all the music geeks to vote for her…fangs and i got the other serpents to vote for her…she’s gonna win it, and you’re gonna cross off one more thing on her list, alright?” he says softly, and toni swallows the lump in her throat before she nods slowly, looking back at the boy with a small smile.

 

“thank you.” she says hoarsely. he chuckles, shaking his head before he nods towards the cooper household.

 

“go on, go get your girl. i’ll see you there, tiny.”

 

toni squares her shoulders and lets out a deep breath before she exits the car, her heels clacking onto the asphalt before she makes her way towards the front door, the sound of sweet pea’s tires screeching on the road echoing out around her before he takes off at top speed.

 

she climbs up the stairs to the porch before she reaches her hand out to knock on the door, and she waits anxiously for a few moments before the door opens and alice cooper smiles at her warmly.

 

“toni! cheryl’s almost done, betty’s just helping her finish her makeup.” she says softly, stepping aside to let toni in as the pink haired girl nods once nervously.

 

“it’s okay, i can wait…” but the sound of heels hitting wooden floors upstairs echoes out, and toni finds herself waiting at the bottom of the stairs anxiously as betty makes her way down first, her hair pulled up in a beautiful bun and her periwinkle blue dress clinging to her curves as alice claps her hands excitedly with a squeal.

 

“oh, sweetheart! you look beautiful!” 

 

“thanks, mom.” betty whispers, hugging her close with a smile before she looks at toni with an equally warm one.

 

“she’s coming down now…you look amazing, toni.” betty says softly. toni chuckles and simply bows her head.

 

“thanks.” the sound of heels echoes out once again, and toni licks her lips and looks up nervously just as cheryl begins descending the stairs.

 

_holy fucking shit._

 

cheryl’s dress is red, clings to her body and accentuates every curve perfectly, her hair pulled up into a ponytail and falling in soft red curls down her back, the dress strapped at the back and exposing some of her skin-

 

toni’s pretty sure she’s never and will never see anything as beautiful as cheryl blossom ever again.

 

the girl clutches her red bottom lip between her teeth as she makes eye contact with toni, and the pink haired girl watches as her eyes widen, a soft gasp escaping her before she comes to a stop in front of toni with a breathless pant.

 

“toni…you look so beautiful.” cheryl whispers, wincing slightly as she grips the railing of the stairs to hold herself up, and toni immediately reaches out and helps her down the last step, gripping her waist tightly and smiling as she leans in to kiss cheryl’s cheek tenderly.

 

“and you look fucking _perfect,_ baby.” toni breathes, wincing when she hears alice clear her throat and look at her with a raised eyebrow.

 

“language, right…sorry.” she mumbles, grinning as cheryl giggles and leans in closer to her. 

 

“alright, i want a photo! come on girls, all three of you!” alice says excitedly, and toni laughs as betty rolls her eyes, but wraps her other arm around cheryl’s waist, the red haired girl in the middle of the two people she loves the most, and the two people who love her more than anything.

 

“i love you, toni.” cheryl whispers into her ear as alice sets up the camera, and toni rests her forehead against the side of cheryl’s temple with a deep exhale.

 

“i love you too, cher. tonight’s gonna be perfect, baby. just you wait.” 

 

\-------------------

 

cheryl manages to make it through three songs before she can’t take it anymore.

 

she sways in toni’s arms, the sweat on her brow evident even under the dark lighting of the gym, and toni immediately grips her hand, curls her other arm around cheryl’s waist and leads her over to the nearest table, helping her sit down on her chair and grabbing the one beside it to fall down into it with a frown of concern as josie and the pussycats continue to play their music.

 

“deep breaths, baby…shit, we shouldn’t have danced through so many songs-.”

 

“no, i…i’m having the most amazing time, t.t. thank you…for just… _everything._ ” cheryl breathes, gripping toni’s hand in her own and raising it to her lips to kiss her knuckles. toni smiles and leans in to press a kiss to her brow, the salty taste of sweat hitting her tongue before betty makes her way over with a cup of water.

 

“here, cheryl, drink up.” cheryl takes the cup from betty with a trembling hand, raising it to her lips and draining in a few gulps before she sinks back into her chair with a tired sigh. toni bites down on her bottom lip, nervous that cheryl might not even make it to the prom king and queen announcement, but it doesn’t matter.

 

if cheryl wants to go home, toni will take her…but regardless, she looks across the room at archie andrews, who watches her with a frown. she nods at him, and he smiles and nods back before running off to find principal weatherbee.

 

“let’s just sit for a bit, is that okay?” cheryl croaks out, squeezing toni’s hand in her own, and toni nods without hesitation, smiling as she inches her chair closer to cheryl and lets the girl rest her head on her shoulder tiredly. 

 

“of course, baby. whatever you need.” 

 

cheryl smiles and drops a kiss to her shoulder before she closes her eyes and nuzzles up to her, and betty smiles at them softly before toni nods towards jughead, who’s waiting for betty a few feet away with an anxious look on his face.

 

“go, i’ve got her, betty.” she says with a smile, and betty hesitates before she whispers ‘thank you’ and makes her way over to jughead, saying something to him under her breath that has him sighing in relief before he looks to cheryl and toni with a smile.

 

he was worried about cheryl…

 

“this…probably isn’t…how you pictured spending…prom night.” cheryl wheezes, gripping toni’s hand in her own tightly, and toni closes her eyes, rests her lips against cheryl’s hairline before kissing her skin tenderly. 

 

“there’s nothing else i’d rather be doing, cher.” she whispers. cheryl hums softly, inching impossibly closer to toni as the pink haired girl tucks a finger under cheryl’s chin to lift her head up, pressing a kiss to her full lips lightly as a tear escapes the corner of her eye.

 

toni tries to ignore the thoughts that invade her mind, the thoughts of cheryl not being here in a few months’ time, tries to just live in the here and now, in this moment on prom night, with cheryl’s lips captures in her own, the vibration from her humming making toni giggle against her before they both pull away and simply stare into each other’s eyes, drinking each other in…

 

“you have red lipstick on your face now.” cheryl whispers weakly, reaching her thumb up to brush it over toni’s lips, the girl smiling against her fingers just as principal weatherbee taps on the microphone to bring everyone to attention. 

 

“alright, if i can have everyone’s attention! we’ll be making the prom king and queen announcements now!” he says gruffly. cheryl frowns, looking at the stage before them with a breathless pant.

 

“they’re…doing it early.” she breathes out, and toni tightens her grip on her girlfriend and tries to act nonchalant despite how fast her heart is beating against her ribcage.

 

“it’s not that early, baby. do you think you can stand?” toni asks softly, and cheryl grips her hand tightly before she purses her lips and nods, using toni’s strength to push herself up. she squeezes toni’s hand before she leads her to the edge of the dancefloor all by herself without any help, and toni finds herself smiling despite herself.

 

it’s so unpredictable…one moment she’s fine and the next…

 

but her stronger moments outlast her weaker ones, it’s a good thing, she knows this…

 

“alright, riverdale high, class of 2019…your prom queen is…” veronica lodge hands the envelope to principal weatherbee before she looks out at toni and cheryl and gives the pink haired serpent a small wink and a grin, and principal weatherbee opens the envelope before he smiles and looks out at cheryl with nothing but warmth.

 

“cheryl blossom!” he calls out. the gym completely explodes into loud cheers, everyone clapping loudly as cheryl grips toni’s hand tightly and looks at her in complete and utter shock.

 

“toni-.”

 

“surprise, babe.” she whispers, grinning widely as tears immediately begin falling down cheryl’s face, a choked out sob escaping her before she squeezes toni’s hand and lets out a breathless laugh. 

 

“i…i wasn’t even a candidate-.”

 

“you were in everyone else’s eyes. come on, let’s go get your crown.” toni whispers into her ear, pressing a kiss to her temple before she grips her hand and wraps her arm around her waist, helping her making her way through the crowd as they part graciously to let her through.

 

toni makes eye contact with betty, sees cheryl’s cousin crying with happiness as she claps and cheers along with everyone else, and toni helps cheryl climb up the stairs of the stage before she reluctantly lets go of her hand and lets her walk the rest of the way on her own.

 

she doesn’t stumble, doesn’t falter, and god, toni’s so _proud_ of her…watches as she wipes away her tears with a laugh while veronica lodge places the crown on top of cheryl’s head and hands her a bouquet of flowers with a grin.

 

toni steps back in amongst the crowd, wiping away her own tears before she feels a firm grip on her shoulder, and she looks up to see sweet pea and fangs on either side of her, both of them smiling warmly at her as she chokes back a sob and wraps an arm around both their waists to hug them close.

 

it’s a tender moment…one toni didn’t even realize she needed…

 

"i love you guys." she whispers, and both boys simply lean in press a kiss to either side of her head gently.

 

“i…i don’t know what to say, i…thank you, thank you all so much for choosing me. i…there’s only one thing i really wanna say, and that thing is…” cheryl trails off, her eyes scanning the crowd before they land on toni, the smile on her face goddamn life changing as she blows her girlfriend a kiss.

 

“i love you, toni topaz.” cheryl says softly, eliciting loud aw’s all around the gym as toni blinks back her tears and mouths ‘i love you’ back. 

 

cheryl steps away from the microphone, and toni notices how she sways, but before she can even step forward, veronica grips her and holds her up with a frown that quickly turns into a smile, cheryl returning it warmly as prinicipal weatherbee moves back to the microphone and toni lets out a sigh of relief. 

 

“alright, now…for prom king.” reggie mantle steps forward and holds out the envelope to prinicipal weatherbee this time, and toni sees him look at her with a wide grin and a wink, confusion taking over before-

 

“ah, it would appear that instead, you’ve chosen another prom queen!” principal weatherbee says, looking down at toni knowingly, and toni blinks once in shock before she groans loudly and immediately turns to punch sweet pea in the arm.

 

“sweet pea!”

 

“what?! it wasn’t my idea only, it was everyone’s!” he exclaims, grinning and laughing as the whole gym laughs with him. toni rolls her eyes, but she looks up to see cheryl staring at her with nothing but happiness and excitement. she holds her hand out, jumping up and down on the spot eagerly and motioning for toni to come to her, and toni can’t help but smile as she jumps up onto the stage as quickly as she can, rushing toward cheryl’s side and pulling her into her embrace tightly. she hugs cheryl close, the sound of everyone cheering and clapping drowned out by the sound of cheryl’s heartbeat thrumming against her ear tenderly.

 

“we’re prom queens, t.t.!” cheryl breathes into her ear, laughing happily as toni squeezes her once and lets her go with a smile.

 

toni watches as veronica grabs the second crown and walks over to place it on top of her head, also handing her a bouquet of flowers before principal weatherbee sighs and talks into the microphone once more.

 

“i hope that this serves as a reminder…that despite the obstacles that life throws at us…as long as we have the ones we love surrounding us, we can make it through. that kindness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength…and that life, despite how very, very short it is…can be filled with the best memories.” he says, smiling at cheryl and toni before he holds his hand out to welcome them to the middle of the dancefloor.

 

“now, if our two prom queens will share the first dance.” he says, sparking cheers from the crowd as they part the way for cheryl and toni to make their way down. toni feels the adrenaline pumping through her, but she still grips cheryl’s hand in her own and pulls her close before leaning up to whisper into her ear as josie and the pussycats begin a slow ballad.

 

“cher, are you sure you’re up for this?” she asks with concern, and cheryl pulls away, her arms wrapping around toni’s neck before she rests her forehead against toni’s with a happy sigh.

 

“there’s nothing else i’d rather be doing, toni.” 

 

\-----------------

 

“cheryl blossom!”

 

the crowd erupts into loud cheers, the hot summer sun beating down on them as toni stands up and grips cheryl’s hand in her own, her free hand reaching for the oxygen tank behind them as cheryl adjusts her nasal cannula and smiles at toni weakly, pushing herself up slowly with a wince.

 

“you got it, baby. there you go.” toni murmurs, pressing a kiss to her temple before cheryl begins making her way through the row of students.

 

“don’t let go of me, t.t.” she breathes. toni’s heart clenches, but she smiles and lifts her hand to press a kiss to the back of it.

 

“never, cher.” she whispers back. cheryl smiles, and she manages to make her way to the stage without swaying, but regardless, toni’s right by her side, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other gripping her hand as she helps her up the three steps and across the stage towards principal weatherbee, both their gowns getting in the way as their caps knock together and cause them both to giggle loudly.

 

_we’re doing it, we’re graduating high school, this is it…_

 

cheryl comes to a stop in front of principal weatherbee and bows her head before reaching out with a trembling hand to accept her diploma, and she raises it above her head and grins at the crowd as they all whistle and cheer loudly for her.

 

alice cooper is waiting at the end of the stage, tears falling down her cheeks as cheryl makes her way over to her. toni lifts her oxygen tank off the stage and back down to the ground beside her as alice embraces her tightly, pressing a kiss to cheryl’s hair while principal weatherbee chuckles into the microphone.

 

“miss topaz, while you’re up here…” he says, waving her over before reaching for her diploma, and toni grins as her uncle cheers loudly, makes her way across the crowd and bows her head before taking her diploma and holding it up proudly.

 

sweet pea and fangs jump up from the crowd in their own cap and gown, screaming above everyone else in approval as toni rolls her eyes and laughs at them, and when she looks off to the side, cheryl’s watching her with nothing but pride shining in her eyes. she makes her way over to her girlfriend, hopping off the stage before cheryl pulls her into her arms with a choked out sob.

 

“i’m so proud of you, t.t.” she whispers into her ear. toni pulls back and leans up to kiss cheryl deeply, cradling the girl’s face in her hands before she leans back and adjusts her nasal cannula with a smile.

 

“i’m proud of _you_ , cheryl.” 

 

she made it...she made it to graduation, thank god...cheryl's covered in sweat and looks like she's on the verge of passing out, but she _made it._

 

_please hang on, cher...just a little longer, baby..._

 

\----------------

 

“hmm…i’m almost done.” 

 

toni peers over cheryl’s shoulder and looks down at the list in her hands, watches as she scratches out number fourteen with a wide smile.

 

~~_20\. make someone’s dream come true._ ~~  
~~_19\. learn another language._ ~~  
_18\. go to california._  
~~_17\. see a comet._ ~~  
~~_16\. learn how to slow dance._ ~~  
~~_15\. get a star named after jason._ ~~  
~~_14\. graduate high school._ ~~  
~~_13\. get a tattoo._ ~~  
~~_12\. be in two places at once._ ~~  
~~_11\. befriend somebody i don’t know._ ~~  
~~_10\. go on a first date._ ~~  
~~_9\. have my first kiss._ ~~  
~~_8\. fall in love._ ~~  
_7\. have sex for the first time._  
~~_6\. change someone’s life._ ~~  
~~_5\. go to prom and be prom queen._ ~~  
_4\. get married._  
_3\. give the blossom family ring to the person i love._  
_2\. spend every second i have left cherishing my life._  
_1\. witness a miracle._

 

toni stares at number four for a long time, her arms tightening around cheryl as the girl hums under her breath, and toni drops a kiss to her shoulder, the box in her pocket burning a goddamn hole through it before she leans up to whisper into cheryl’s ear.

 

“do you feel like crossing something else off the list?” she murmurs, her heart pounding against her chest. cheryl falls back against her, eyes closing as she lets out a soft wheeze that has toni’s heart aching painfully, and she grips toni’s hand in her own before she licks her lips and opens her eyes, looking to toni with a soft smile and a nod.

 

“what…did you have in mind?” she breathes, eyes fluttering closed again as toni adjusts her nasal cannula with a clench of her jaw. 

 

“cheryl…” toni reaches into her jacket pocket with a trembling hand, pulling out the box before she opens it, the arm around cheryl’s waist tightening as the girl looks down at the box in her hand with a gasp of complete and utter shock.

 

she holds it out in front of cheryl, her heart thundering in her ears and slamming against her chest so fast, she’s scared she’s about to have a heart attack as she swallows down her nerves and somehow manages to croak out her next words.

 

“will you marry me, cheryl blossom? will you do me the immeasurable honor of calling you my wife?” toni whispers. 

 

cheryl simply nuzzles her face against toni’s, sinking further into her lap as silent tears fall down her cheeks, and she lets out a shaky breath as she looks down at the singular diamond ring with a warm smile.

 

“toni, if you don’t…put that ring on me…in the next five seconds…” she pants out, and toni chokes on her laughter, her heart clenching as she pulls it out of the box and grips cheryl’s left hand to slide it onto her ring finger.

 

it’s a perfect fit. 

 

she said yes...well, not exactly, but still, _holy shit-_

 

toni presses a kiss to cheryl’s temple, and the girl hums against her before she looks to her dresser in the corner of her room, where toni can see the multiple photos she’s taken with cheryl since they started dating hanging on her mirror.

 

“in…in the first drawer, toni…there’s a box underneath…the clothes…” cheryl says softly, and toni slowly eases out from under cheryl, frowns and makes sure she’s okay to sit up on her own before she makes her way over to the drawer and pulls it open, rummaging through it until her fingers close around a red velvet box.

 

she pulls it out of the drawer, part of her knowing what it’s going to be as she makes her way back over to cheryl and slides back in behind her, cheryl’s back falling against her chest as she takes the box from toni’s hands with trembling fingers.

 

“i think…you know…what this is…” cheryl says, chuckling before she coughs with a wince, and toni tries to ignore how her heart aches seeing cheryl in pain, just holds the girl close as she wraps her arms around her and opens the box in front of the both of them with a smile.

 

it’s a gorgeous ring, way more fucking flashy than the one toni had been able to afford for her, she notices begrudgingly, but cheryl pulls it out of the box before she’s grabbing toni’s left hand and sliding it onto her ring finger, a soft moan escaping her before she presses a kiss to toni’s knuckles.

 

the weight of the ring on her finger…

 

“we’re getting married.” toni whispers, nothing but happiness flooding her as cheryl turns her head to the side and presses a kiss to her jawline.

 

“we…we need to make it quick.” she says solemnly, tears welling in her eyes, but toni kisses them away and shakes her head as she bends her knees up on either side of cheryl’s body and presses kiss after kiss to her hair.

 

“betty and i will plan the wedding, baby. the perfect wedding, you just tell me what you want and we’ll do everything we can to make it happen, alright?” cheryl nods against her, humming once more before she opens her eyes and looks at toni with nothing but love.

 

“i can’t wait to call you my wife, toni.” she whispers. toni smiles and presses a kiss to her lips.

 

_she’s gonna be your wife, toni._

 

\---------------

 

“are you sure everything’s in place-.”

 

“toni, we’ve checked over everything five times now! look at me!” betty laughs loudly and grips toni’s face in her hands, pink haired girl’s eyes wide and filled with worry as betty shakes her head and raises an eyebrow.

 

“i know you’re nervous. but you don’t have to be, okay? because you’re getting married to the woman you love today, and that’s all that matters, alright?” betty says firmly, josie and veronica on either side of the girl as they collectively watch toni freakout apprehensively.

 

“i know…i know, i’m not, i…i just-i need this to be perfect, betty.” toni breathes, blinking back her tears and choking on a laugh when veronica waves her hands over her eyes to get them to stop tearing with a shout.

 

“i spent an hour and a half on that makeup, toni! no crying!” she chastises. toni bites back a moan of frustration as betty squeezes her shoulders and lets out a shaky sigh.

 

“toni, that’s the thing. you’ve been so focused on making sure everything is perfect that you’re not just _living_ in the moment. cheryl doesn’t care if everything’s perfect, toni, as long as _you’re_ by her side, everything already _is_ perfect. just breathe, stop needing everything to be perfect and realize what’s happening today.” 

 

toni’s eyes widen, her throat closing up as she takes in betty’s words and really comes to terms with what exactly is happening today.

 

veronica just spent an hour and a half on her makeup.

 

she’s wearing a white lace dress that hugs her body tightly, her pink hair thrown up into a bun with strands framing her face-

 

_she’s getting married today._

 

toni swallows thickly, a panicked whine escaping her, but she closes her eyes and thinks about red hair and red lips, about pale skin and that smile, that _fucking smile-_

 

she wants this. she does, she wants this more than she's ever wanted anything in her life-

 

“I’m getting married to cheryl today.” she breathes, opening her eyes and looking at josie, betty and veronica before there’s a knock at the door and toni’s uncle pokes his head inside.

 

“is she ready?” he asks softly with a smile. toni attempts to swallow the lump in her throat down once more before she croaks out an answer.

 

“yes, i’m ready.” she calls out, her heart pounding in her ears as betty squeezes her hand and makes her way out of the room to get to cheryl. veronica and josie soon follow after, and toni can hear the sound of the music changing into something that she’s only heard in tv shows and movies echoing out from the inside of the church, a whimper escaping her before she feels a firm hand grip her shoulder.

 

“come on, toni. your girl is waiting for you.” 

 

toni loops her arm into his own, gripping his forearm with her other hand as he leads her out of the room, and she sees betty exit the room cheryl’s in, her heart aching to be reunited with her love as betty grins and gives her a thumbs up.

 

“okay, she’s ready. josie, veronica, you guys go first!” betty says, waving the two girls forward, and they both giggle before they begin their walk down the isle, toni watching them go with a shaky breath before betty follows after them. uncle jake waits a few moments before he squares his shoulders and makes his way towards the main part of the church, taking toni with him.

 

as soon as toni sees the isle in front of her…

 

her entire body just seems to…relax.

 

_wow...that's where the rest of my life begins..._

 

she lets out a shaky breath, but smiles as she turns to look at her uncle. he smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to her temple before he pulls back with tears in his eyes.

 

“for what it’s worth, toni…i’m proud of you.” he murmurs, clearing his throat gruffly and blinking back his tears.

 

the topaz family doesn’t cry…

 

“it’s worth a lot, uncle jake.” toni whispers, blinking back her own tears as the man simply nods once with a trembling bottom lip. toni turns to face the people sitting in the pews, a few of their classmates from riverdale high, including everyone from the cast of _‘carrie: the musical’_ a few of the teachers, too…principal weatherbee…

 

but truthfully, it’s the sight of sweet pea and fangs in suits waiting at the archway as her best men that has toni suddenly feeling like all of this…

 

all of this is worth it.

 

the pain and the anger and the grief and the frustration…it’s worth it for _this._

 

she’s ready.

 

and whether she gets a few weeks or a few months more…she’s going to cherish every single second she gets to spend with cheryl blossom as her wife.

 

“i’m ready.”

 

uncle jake smiles before he begins walking toni down the isle slowly, everyone immediately turning to watch as she makes her way down in awe, and as soon as they reach the arch at the front of the church, toni stands in front of sweet pea and fangs before she turns, her uncle bending down to press a kiss to her cheek before he takes a seat beside f.p jones at the front pew.

 

it isn’t long before toni hears the sound of a door opening, and when she looks up, she sees alice cooper exiting arm in arm with the woman who will become her wife in about ten minutes' time.

 

the white dress cheryl’s is wearing hugs every curve of her frail body, the lace straps forming a diamond shape over her chest as her red curls fall down her chest and back in waves.

 

her face…god, it’s like she’s not even sick, the way veronica has somehow managed to make her makeup light, but also heavy at the same time. 

 

and toni knows…she knows beneath the makeup is sunken cheekbones and hollow eyes, is a frail body that is struggling to get by, but right now…

 

cheryl blossom looks more alive than toni’s ever seen her.

 

alice pauses at the beginning of the isle, cheryl’s hand squeezing her adoptive mother’s before she suddenly reaches up with a shaking hand to take off her nasal cannula, and toni almost rushes forward to get her to stop, but alice takes it from her willingly before kevin keller is grabbing the oxygen tank and wheeling it up towards the archway, where betty takes it and holds it close by just in case.

 

cheryl takes a deep breath in, her eyes falling on toni before they widen and tears immediately well in them, and god, toni wants to run down that isle and grab her, pull her close and kiss her over and over again-

 

alice slowly makes her way down the isle with cheryl, giving her plenty of time and not rushing her, and it takes cheryl at least five minutes to make her way down the short isle, her hands clasped so tightly in alice’s, it’s a wonder they haven’t broken off yet-

 

as soon as cheryl makes her way up the two steps that lead to the archway, toni reaches forward and takes her hand, helping to hold her up as cheryl sags against her slightly and looks to her with a warm smile.

 

“thank you.” she says in a soft voice, looking up at alice as the older woman purses her lips to stop herself from crying. the tears fall down her cheeks anyway, and toni steps back and gives them the moment, her hand still grasped in cheryl’s tightly as alice holds cheryl close and presses a kiss to her hair. she cradles cheryl’s cheek in her hand, brushing her thumb over the girl’s flushed cheekbone before she steps down and sits in the pew beside archie and fred andrews.

 

toni takes both of cheryl’s hands in her own, tells herself that from this moment forward, she’ll never let them go as they stand in front of the priest and simply…take each other in.

 

“dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to welcome the union of cheryl marjorie blossom and antoinette mercedes topaz…”

 

\-------------------

 

the soft whirring of the gas tank beside their bed keeps her up, but toni finds she doesn’t mind.

 

she simply brushes her fingers through cheryl’s hair before trailing them down to her bare back, dancing across pale, sweaty skin as her lips press soft little kisses to cheryl’s hairline. the girl sleeps against her chest with her naked body pressed against toni’s tiredly, exhaustion claiming her wholly from the events of the day and night…limbs entangled with each other’s and the blankets haphazardly thrown over their bodies…

 

the nasal cannula slips as cheryl nuzzles closer to toni, who carefully readjusts it with a smile before she stares down at the wedding band that’s joined the blossom family ring on her left finger, her eyes moving to cheryl’s left hand that’s resting on her chest, the golden wedding band over her finger on top of her engagement ring making her heart flutter just the same. 

 

she brushes her hand up and down the arm draped over her waist, closes her eyes and tries to drift off to sleep when she feels cheryl’s hold on her tighten just a little…

 

“toni?” 

 

“yeah, baby?” toni murmurs, her chin nuzzling the top of cheryl’s head as the girl wheezes in another shuddering breath and nods toward her bedside table.

 

“my list…can you take it out?” she breathes, smiling up at toni as the girl presses a kiss to her brow and nods once. she keeps her arm wrapped around cheryl, the other reaching out to pull open the drawer of the bedside table before she reaches into it and pulls out the crumpled, folded piece of paper and the pen on top of it.

 

she hands it to cheryl, who takes it with trembling fingers before she hums softly and crosses off numbers four and seven.

 

~~_20\. make someone’s dream come true._ ~~  
~~_19\. learn another language._ ~~  
_18\. go to california._  
~~_17\. see a comet._ ~~  
~~_16\. learn how to slow dance._ ~~  
~~_15\. get a star named after jason._ ~~  
~~_14\. graduate high school._ ~~  
~~_13\. get a tattoo._ ~~  
~~_12\. be in two places at once._ ~~  
~~_11\. befriend somebody i don’t know._ ~~  
~~_10\. go on a first date._ ~~  
~~_9\. have my first kiss._ ~~  
~~_8\. fall in love._ ~~  
~~_7\. have sex for the first time._ ~~  
~~_6\. change someone’s life._ ~~  
~~_5\. go to prom and be prom queen._ ~~  
~~_4\. get married._ ~~  
~~_3\. give the blossom family ring to the person i love._ ~~  
_2\. spend every second i have left cherishing my life._  
_1\. witness a miracle._

 

“toni…do you think we can go to california for our honeymoon? i’m…so close to doing everything on my…my list…” she breathes, looking up at toni with nothing but sadness in her eyes, and toni closes her own, wishes she could scrub the sight of it from her mind before she forces herself to be strong for her wife and presses a kiss to her brow with a nod.

 

“of course, baby. we’ll go right now if you want.” she whispers, and cheryl laughs lightly before she suddenly hums and presses a kiss to toni’s collarbone.

 

“you have…to do something for me…t.t…” she wheezes. toni runs her fingers through cheryl’s hair gently before she nods.

 

“anything…” she says softly. cheryl smiles and looks up at toni with love shining in those beautiful brown eyes of hers…

 

“you have to…show me how…to do that thing you did…with your tongue…because that was amazing…” cheryl says with a breathless laugh, and toni can’t help her own laughter, her body shaking underneath cheryl’s as she cocks an eyebrow and cradles cheryl’s face in her hands, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips softly.

 

“you don’t need any pointers, cheryl blossom. you rocked my world just as much.” she reassures her, tapping the tip of her nose with her finger and giggling when cheryl pouts. 

 

“california…we’re gonna have sex…like, every night.” cheryl says firmly, nodding before she drops her head back down onto toni’s chest, and toni simply holds her close and smiles as her eyelids droop tiredly.

 

god, the fact that cheryl still has a humor despite the pain her body is in right now...toni loves her, she loves her, she loves her-

 

“i love you, cheryl blossom.” 

 

she feels cheryl kiss her neck before her voice so, so softly reiterates those words back.

 

“i love you too, antoinette topaz…”

 

\--------------

 

the mid-summer july heat clings to toni’s skin despite the air conditioning pumping through the entire hospital, her feet bouncing up and down on the tiled floor beneath her as she fiddles with the two rings around her left finger.

 

the tears fall and splash to the ground before she can stop them, the lump in her throat refusing to be swallowed down as she licks her lips and looks up, watching as betty cooper paces up and down the hallway, as alice cooper buries her face in her hands and chokes on a sob…

 

_not yet. not yet, i’m not ready yet, please…just give me one more month, one more month with her, i’m begging you…_

 

toni’s never believed in god or a higher being, but right now, she’s praying to every single one she can think of.

 

she just…collapsed. one second she was fine and the next…

 

god, if toni hadn’t been right there with her…if she hadn’t caught her-

 

it was california, toni knows it was. they had only just returned from their two week honeymoon in los angeles, but she knows the plane ride zapped whatever energy cheryl had left in her, this is all her fault-

 

_please…just one more month, please-_

 

“family of cheryl blossom?” 

 

toni’s head snaps up before she rushes toward the doctor that exits cheryl’s room, betty and alice right by her side, and toni takes one look at the doctor’s grim expression before she feels her knees buckle, betty immediately wrapping an arm around her to keep her up.

 

“how…h-how long-.” toni tries to choke out, and the doctor bows his head before he lets out a shaky sigh.

 

“a few more days, maybe…i’m so sorry.” he whispers.

 

toni feels the bile that rises in the back of her throat, doesn’t even attempt to swallow it down as she pushes betty back and grips the steel metal of the bin to her right, throwing up into it with her head spinning and her heart clenching with every single fucking beat it makes.

 

they didn’t have any more time.

 

\-------------

 

cheryl, for the most part, seems to accept her fate.

 

toni refuses to leave her side for a single second, and cheryl doesn’t want her to leave either, but it also submits her to having to watch cheryl say goodbye to everyone she loves.

 

she called in josie and veronica first, toni watching in despair as her wife gripped the hands of her best friends and told them to stay strong no matter what. both girls had cried, hugging cheryl close and refusing to leave her side for almost two hours straight before they’d finally accepted it was time to go.

 

after that, it was betty and alice. and god, toni’s pretty sure she’ll never be able to forget the looks on their faces, filled with anguish as cheryl had held betty to her chest so tightly with tears streaming down her face, begging betty to live her life to the fullest and to never forget her, to always hold a special place in her heart for her cousin…

 

“sister.” betty had gasped out, looking at cheryl with nothing but grief and a trembling bottom lip.

 

“you’re my sister.” she had reiterated, and cheryl had burst into more tears, sobbing into betty’s hair as toni simply watched helplessly from the corner of the room.

 

alice was even worse. the woman was inconsolable, choked out and garbled words about how she had failed cheryl’s mother and father, that she promised them after they died that she would look after cheryl and that now…now she was dying and alice had failed-

 

“you didn’t fail, aunt alice. not one b-bit. please…please d-don’t think that. you’ve g-given me the b-best life i could’ve asked for…” cheryl had whispered, clutching alice’s hands in her own before she had pulled the woman down to her body with a warm hug just the same as she did with betty.

 

alice and betty are still roaming around the hospital, toni knows this, but she’s thankful to them for giving her a moment alone with her wife as cheryl blossom looks up at her with hooded eyes and sweat on her brow, each breath she takes in looking as painful as the last as the nasal cannula slips when she turns her head to look at toni.

 

she holds a shaking hand out, and toni doesn’t hesitate in jumping up from her chair and making her way over to her wife, her heart just completely and utterly numb to everything around her. she adjusts the nasal cannula before she leans down to kiss the corner of cheryl’s mouth, the girl whimpering against her before toni pulls the railing on the side of her bed down and curls up into her arms as best she can without hurting her.

 

cheryl only manages to lift her hand and wrap it around toni’s back, fingers dancing along the skin of her lower back as she breathes in shakily, and god, the sound…toni hates the sound of it…

 

“toni…” cheryl breathes, her words so soft, her wife barely hears them, and toni whimpers and nuzzles closer to cheryl, fingers gripping her hospital gown in despair…

 

“my list…toni…my…list…” cheryl breathes out, but toni shakes her head, refuses to grab it from where she knows it’s resting on the table in her hospital room as she snuggles closer to cheryl’s body.

 

once cheryl crosses off number two, it’s over.

 

“it’s not time yet, cher. we have time.” toni croaks out, refusing to believe that it’s over, that this is it, it can’t be, please, just _one more month-_

 

“toni…please…” cheryl groans, a soft whimper escaping the girl beneath her, and toni buries her face into cheryl’s chest, letting out a high pitched whine of her own before she’s pushing herself up off her wife and making her way to the table in the corner.

 

she grabs the list, looking down at it in complete and utter despair before she licks her lips and walks back to cheryl’s bed, the red haired girl smiling up at her weakly as she sits down on the edge of the bed and holds the list out to cheryl.

 

“cheryl…don’t cross it off, please…we have time, baby, it’s…i…we-.” toni doesn’t even know what she’s saying anymore before she’s breaking down, burying her face into her hands and sobbing into them before she feels cheryl grip the sleeve of her shirt to tug her down to her chest once more, the pink haired girl wailing in despair as cheryl runs her fingers through toni’s hair gently.

 

“shh…i will always…love you, antoinette topaz…you’ve changed…my entire life…with a smile and…a flick of a lighter.” cheryl wheezes, smiling fondly at the memories that feel like a lifetime ago. 

 

toni shakes her head before she pushes herself up and grips cheryl’s face in her hands, sobbing against her before she’s kissing cheryl as passionately as she possibly can, the red haired girl responding eagerly to her kiss with a whine as she uses whatever strength she has left to pull toni down closer to her body.

 

toni feels cheryl beginning to gasp for air beneath her, and she pulls away, her whole body trembling before cheryl grips the list in her hand and looks down at it with a smile.

 

“it’s done…t.t. we accomplished…everything.” she breathes, shakily crossing out everything else left on the list as toni watches her do so in anguish.

 

_i just want one more month..._

 

she watches cheryl cross out number one, and she takes the pen and the list from her hand before she looks down at her wife and cradles her cheek in her hand gently.

 

“baby, we…we didn’t do number one, we-.” toni starts, but cheryl simply shakes her head with a lopsided, weak smile, gripping toni’s hands in her own and giving them a squeeze.

 

“yes…we did. it’s _you._ you’re my miracle, toni.” cheryl croaks out, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes as toni’s bottom lip quivers, and she can’t think of anything else to do.

 

she just falls forward into cheryl’s barely there embrace, her head resting in the crook of cheryl’s neck as she wraps her arms around her frail waist and holds her close.

 

“don’t leave me, cher…please, n-not yet…” toni breathes, closing her eyes and inhaling the fading scent of strawberry shampoo as full, chapped lips press against her hairline in a delicate kiss.

 

“i’ll always be…right here.” cheryl whispers, bringing her hand up to rest it over toni’s heart, and toni finds herself smiling, her eyes opening as she presses kisses up cheryl’s neck, down the column of her throat, over her jawline before she pulls back and traces her index finger over every square inch of her face, mapping it out and burning it into her brain…

 

“i love you, cheryl. with everything in me, with my whole goddamn heart, _i love you, and i always will._ ” toni whispers, finally leaning down to press a kiss to those lips she’s positive she’ll never, ever forget the taste of as long as she lives.

 

toni doesn’t know how long they kiss for, just knows that cheryl refuses to let her go as her lips move languidly against toni’s before finally, she pulls away and looks up into toni’s eyes with a smile toni’s never seen before.

 

acceptance.

 

“i love you.” she breathes, her eyes roaming over toni’s face, and toni just lets her stare for as long as she wants, refuses to deny cheryl this before the girl tugs her back down to rest against her chest, her arms circling around toni’s small body to hold her close as toni just…keeps repeating the same three words.

 

toni doesn’t even register the sound of the heart monitor flatlining or the way cheryl’s pulse seems to just…stop, beneath the pressure of her thumb, just keeps whispering those same three words over and over again…

 

“i love you…i love you…i love you…”

 

\---------------

 

the sound of a knock on her door has toni dropping the pot of pasta back onto the stove, a hiss of pain escaping her as she sucks on the burn on her thumb and turns the stove off quickly.

 

“coming!” she calls out, skipping her way over to the front door and throwing it open to see betty cooper smiling back at her, hands resting on her gigantic belly as jughead jones carries their bags right behind her with a grin.

 

“toni! it’s so good to see you!” betty immediately wraps her arms around her cousin’s widow, toni being careful to avoid her belly as she pulls away with a warm smile and a laugh.

 

“god, you’re getting so big! come in, come in, how many months are you now?” toni asks incredulously, running towards the kitchen to stir the pasta once more as betty chuckles and shrugs.

 

“seven months, but who’s counting? toni, are you sure you’re okay with us staying here? we can always rent a hotel room-.”

 

“don’t be silly, betty! i’ve got a spare room, you and jughead are more than welcome to stay in it!” toni says, waving at betty’s husband with a smile as he chuckles and sets the bags down on the ground.

 

“really, it’s not a problem, toni-.”

 

“guys, i invited you to come see me graduate medical school, i’m not gonna make you fork out money to rent out a place. make yourselves at home, dinner will be ready in a bit!” toni says with a grin, watching as jughead plops down on the couch and turns the tv on while betty rolls her eyes at him and makes her way to the kitchen to help toni with the food with a smile.

 

“god…ten years of studying is finally paying off, huh?” she says, nudging toni happily as the girl chuckles and continues stirring the pasta, throwing in a dash of salt with a shrug.

 

“it sure is…i don’t think i would’ve lasted if it wasn’t for you and alice, though, betty. thank you both so much for helping me, with everything.” toni croaks out, reaching out and gripping betty’s hand in her own tightly.

 

“don’t be silly, toni. you’re family…you always will be.” betty says softly, smiling sadly as her eyes fall on the wall to the right of the kitchen where a photo frame in the shape of a heart exists, littered with small and medium sized photos that all include cheryl, or cheryl and toni together, the one of them on the day of their wedding resting right in the middle.

 

toni smiles fondly at the photos, her heart only clenching slightly as he licks her lips and turns to look at betty with tears in her eyes.

 

“it’s been ten years, betty…and even though the pain has gotten better, it’s…it’s still there. there’s days where i feel like i can’t breathe because i miss her so much, and days where i feel like she’s right here beside me. i don’t know how to even explain it…” toni says hoarsely, swallowing the lump in her throat and gazing down at the blossom family ring still glued to her left finger, the wedding band resting above it just the same. 

 

betty sighs before reaches out and grips toni’s shoulder tightly, giving it a reassuring squeeze before she smiles softly.

 

“i can’t explain it either, but one thing i’m sure of is that she _loved_ you, toni. with every inch of her soul, she _loved_ you. i…i don’t want you to get upset when i tell you this, but…cheryl had a crush on you for months before you two started dating.” betty says fondly, her eyes distant as if she’s recalling some distant memories.

 

toni’s heart aches, her eyes closing and her tears falling as she processes betty’s words. 

 

_months…they could’ve had more time-_

 

“i…why didn’t she ever tell me?” toni breathes, looking at betty in despair before the girl sighs and shakes her head.

 

“she was too scared too…god, she was dying and she still was afraid to face things in life that we all do. she was so brave, but when it came to that…she was a chicken.” betty teases, laughing loudly as toni chuckles and wipes away her tears with a sniff.

 

“i wish she had told me. but i’m thankful for the months i did have with her, betty. and as much as i miss her, i know…i know i’ll never stop loving her, either.” toni says softly, turning back to look at the photo frame with a fond smile. she pauses for a moment before she rests her hand over her heart, chuckling as she turns to look at betty with a teary eyed grin.

 

“some of her last words to me, she told me she’d always be right here. and i swear there’s some days where i can _feel_ her, betty. i can’t see her…but i can _feel_ her.” toni whispers, feeling the beating of her heart against the pads of her fingers as betty smiles softly and lets out a deep sigh.

 

“i find myself envious sometimes, of the love you two had for each other. but if anyone deserved something like that, it was cheryl.” betty says, looking up at the photo frame and letting out shaky breath of sadness as toni scoffs and shakes her head.

 

“and me? you and i both know i didn’t deserve a love like cheryl’s, betty. hell, if it wasn’t for me, jughead could’ve died-.”

 

“and if it wasn’t for you, he _would_ be dead. you’re an amazing person, toni, and you and cheryl deserved each other. please don’t think differently for a single second.” betty says firmly, gripping toni’s hand in her own as the girl lets out a deep exhale and a chuckle, raising an eyebrow at the last girl she ever expected from riverdale high would be her friend ten years later…

 

“thanks, betty. now come on, let’s set the table before jughead eats through my couch.”

 

\------------

 

toni can hear jughead’s soft snoring through her door as she chuckles and shakes her head, smoothing the lotion over her hands and face to make sure it’s completely dry before she stands up from the vanity and makes her way over to her bed.

 

she collapses down into it before she looks up at the ceiling, and a gentle breeze comes in through the window of her apartment, touching her legs and making her smile as she closes her eyes and imagines it’s a pale hand caressing her skin…a beautiful smile gazing down at her from above…

 

“i did it, cher. ten years later and i’m finally getting that degree, doing something i'm passionate about. i’m gonna put it to good use, baby, i promise. i’m…i’m gonna specialize in oncology, help the sick kids with cancer in the world…try my goddamn fucking hardest to find a cure for it so that no one else loses the person they love…i’m gonna make you proud, cheryl, even more proud than i did the day we graduated. i…i did it, cher. because of you, i did it, and i…i love you. i love you so much, i’ll never stop loving you…” toni blinks her eyes open, the tears leaking out of the corners of them before she looks to her bedside table at the list resting in the frame right beside her.

 

~~_20\. make someone’s dream come true._ ~~  
~~_19\. learn another language._ ~~  
~~_18\. go to california._ ~~  
~~_17\. see a comet._ ~~  
~~_16\. learn how to slow dance._ ~~  
~~_15\. get a star named after jason._ ~~  
~~_14\. graduate high school._ ~~  
~~_13\. get a tattoo._ ~~  
~~_12\. be in two places at once._ ~~  
~~_11\. befriend somebody i don’t know._ ~~  
~~_10\. go on a first date._ ~~  
~~_9\. have my first kiss._ ~~  
~~_8\. fall in love._ ~~  
~~_7\. have sex for the first time._ ~~  
~~_6\. change someone’s life._ ~~  
~~_5\. go to prom and be prom queen._ ~~  
~~_4\. get married._ ~~  
~~_3\. give the blossom family ring to the person i love._ ~~  
~~_2\. spend every second i have left cherishing my life._ ~~  
~~_1\. witness a miracle._ ~~

 

“you finished your list, cher. and tomorrow i finish mine…well, almost finish it.” toni chuckles, gazing down at the rings on her finger before she looks up at the photo from their wedding day resting beside the list, toni’s lips pressed to cheryl’s cheek as the girl smiles widely for the camera.

 

she pushes herself up off her bed and heads out to her balcony, opening the door and smiling as her eyes land on the telescope right at the edge.

 

she doesn't need the paper for the co-ordinates.

 

she knows it off by heart now.

 

she moves the telescope over to the stars she named after cheryl and jason, smiling as she watches them both twinkle brightly through the scope. 

 

she feels a sudden heat rush through her chest, an all too familiar feeling that has her closing her eyes and laughing lightly, the euphoria gripping her in a tight chokehold and leaving her completely and utterly breathless.

 

because she knows it’s cheryl…even if she can’t see her…

 

she can _feel_ her.

 

she opens her eyes and looks up at the stars, swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking back tears before she closes her eyes and lets the wind wash over her lightly.

 

“yeah…i love you too, baby.” 

 

and despite the pain of losing cheryl, god...god will toni always cherish the months she got to spend _loving her._

 

toni's never been more thankful that she broke her promise.


End file.
